Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: B- | 2 USERS: C
Corn Snake

Inside, Conrad says he isn't going to jail for Nancy. She tries to plead the randomness of her hookup with Peter, but Conrad thinks it was all a setup, and orders her to stay away from Conrad. She protests that she won't see Peter anymore, but Conrad says it's too late. He makes to leave, but Nancy gets in his way and asks, pointedly, whether this is about her sleeping with a DEA agent, or sleeping with another guy. Conrad essentially tells her to get over herself (seriously), and brushes past her.

Celia, still with a bee in her bonnet (and a big scrape on the driver's side of her car) gets up at a meeting of Agrestic's moribund city council (how somnolent are they? Doug is the most engaged member) to plead for a light at the intersection where she had her accident. Doug says that lights are expensive, and Celia grits, "Isn't that what the budget's for?" Doug enlightens her as to where the money's been allocated: renovating the council chamber, a parade, and paying the branding firm that came up with the slogan "Agrestic: The Best Of The Bestic." You laugh, but that shit probably cost the town in the mid six figures. Anyway, the meeting breaks up, Doug reminding one of his fellow members that it'll be his turn to bring the snacks next time, and very seriously advises, "I think I speak for everyone when I say vegetarian pigs in a blanket are bullshit." I would think Doug would snack on whatever was put in front of him, no? Anyway, he acts like he just noticed Celia standing there, wanting to murder him, and cheerfully apologizes.

Coffee shop. Nancy's cradling an enormous cappuccino mug which, I'm sorry, might as well have a nipple on it, when Celia steals up behind her, asking if she wants a shot in that. Before she can answer, Celia sits down opposite her and makes a ribald comment about harvesting HGH from "small brown children so that actors and trophy wives can stay in business." Nancy grins, remembering why she likes Celia, and Celia pulls out a mickey, saying she was serious about the shot. Nancy takes her up on it. Celia recaps her accident, and says that she was humiliated at the city council meeting by "the fuckhead Doug Wilson." Nancy idly says that Celia should run for city council, and Celia seizes on the suggestion, saying that Doug would lose his mind. Nancy, trying to cover, says she didn't mean that Celia should run for Doug's seat, oh my no, but Celia's already designing posters in her head, and reminds Nancy that Doug's seat is up for re-election this year. She thanks Nancy for the suggestion. Nancy's like, "Oh, of COURSE."

Yeshiva. Andy's in his interview with lovely Director of Admissions Yael Hoffman, trying to charm her into admitting him by offering the Hebrew words for "jellyfish" and "ice cream." Yael tells him, in Hebrew, that she thinks she's full of shit, and he leans in delightedly, thinking that she's flirting. Yael informs Andy that he talks a lot, but says nothing, and briskly adds that while he's been amusing, they're all done here. Andy's like, "I'm in?" She barely dignifies that. Andy tries to front, saying that he'll just find another yeshiva that's more respectful of his ambitions, and Yael agrees that it's her school's loss. She closes the door on Andy, but after a second he has it open again, begging her -- literally, on his knees -- to admit him, since his life depends on it. She dubiously asks whether someone has a gun to his head, demanding that he become a rabbi, and he's like, "Kind of?" Yael tells Andy that he has five minutes to explain himself, adding that she's wearing a bra, so he can stop looking for her nipples. Andy tries to deny it for about three seconds, and then asks how she knew. "Four minutes fifty seconds," she reminds him. Andy, I don't blame you -- I was looking for them too. Yael = purty.

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