Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Dunbar's Number

Raylene says all this exciting business talk has her "wetter than a slaughterhouse floor," which is just about the grossest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life, but goes well with the constant vagina attacks and many other disgusting vaginal comparisons and investigations throughout. Celia laughs but soon enough stops laughing, as Raylene grabs her hand, shoves it up her dress, and then even further until her eyes roll back. The waitress gets about five feet from this mess and then bounces off the forcefield in a whole other direction. I don't care if you've got a manicure set up there, that's fucking tacky.

Nancy comes out onto the patio and spies Lupita bottle-feeding Stevie, and throws a hissy fit about it, so Lupita lays it down. "Two people give you different directions. One is a white woman from the suburbs, the other is a giant scary Mexican drug kingpin. Who would you listen to?" You know Nancy's thinking, "Obviously you would pull in a third, unrelated schmoe -- or an entire family -- to do your dirty work, while you apply mascara and emote about adversity, then destroy everything in a six-mile radius. What's your point?"

Lupita peaces as Esteban approaches, and Nancy commences haranguing him about the breastmilk v. formula issue. He says that peasants breastfeed, and she starts in about how it's much better for the baby, but Adelita helpfully sticks her pert little adorable button nose in there and says that there are studies that suggest all the toxins you've ingested in your life might come out in your breastmilk.

Which for Nancy is like 90% espresso, but also pot this one time, and the pain and tears and blood and resentment of everybody she's ever met. And Celia and Jill's souls, which are the most toxic of all. Nancy shoots her stepdaughter a mean-ass face and she scampers, in good humor, while Nancy's phone rings with an adorable picture of Guillermo sticking out his tongue. Esteban tries to dissuade her again, calling her a "political wife" because he knows she loves it, but she won't be bothered: "Baby, boobie. I mean it."

Andy goes to pick Alanis up at the health center in the General Lee, and the whole time he's waiting that scary protestor Gale is like three inches from his face, so he finally asks if Gale doesn't have to stay 25 feet away, and Gale points out that this doesn't cover him. When he asks what Andy's doing there, he innocently says he's come for a pap smear, and then Alanis comes out in her bulletproof jacket talking immediate smack about how just because he says he's washed his hands of Nancy doesn't mean she's going to suddenly be into him, but then she's impressed that he unsoldered the door so that he can open it for her, like a gentleman.

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