Weeds

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Dunbar's Number

Andy jumps in the car and shows off with some classic hubris, honking the Dixie horn and leaving the protestors in the dust, and all poor Gale can do is scream, "Fornicators!" The picket signs are mostly the usual fare ("Every life is sacred," "Abortion makes you the mother of a dead baby," "Die abortionist die," "Save a baby, kill a doctor") but the awesomeness of the best one ("Don't abortion it's wrong!") is completely ruined by the stupidity of the last one, "All babies want to get borned." Way to ruin a good joke by pushing it too far. It's like Ramona Quimby's dad used to say: Once is funny, twice is silly, three times is a spanking.

Doug and Dean are hitting the bong and adding to Doug And Dean's Big List Of Ways To Get Revenge On That Thieving Deceitful Whore Celia™, which is a list with nothing on it. Dean starts talking about siccing spidergoats on her, which connects semiotically to 1) the cow/goat thing with Celia before, 2) the bulletproof thing with Alanis a second ago, and 3) the ongoing toxicity/problematizing of Nancy's milk, because these amazing goats have awesome spider genes that means their milk contains Kevlar threads. So their milk is automatically protective, which is the question right now for Nancy, if she could hear it.

But then Doug yells, "Kick her in the twat!" and the whole thing goes to hell: "This is why we can't strategize good, Dean!" He talks about how they have to kick the weed for a bit until they figure this out, drawing allusions to Ulysses S Grant winning WWI and Gore kicking global warming's ass and whatever, just think of something stupid and Doug will try and say it: "We need to be at our best so we can fuck that bitch up good, so she stays fucked up." He tosses their baggie and lighter in Dean's desk drawer, then jumps about a foot when Dean slams it closed.

Back in Guillermo's fuckwagon, Nancy makes smalltalk about how she can't believe he has a cell phone in there, and he offers to get her a hookup but she says she's got a contract with AT&T. (Is there anything stupider than iPhone backlash? "My unicorn is broken and no longer spins gold out of wheat! Now it's just hundred dollar bills and delicious candy!") He talks about having sent a "friend" to their call center in Burnsville MN, and tells her to mention his name to the guy with the broken jaw.

Regarding the matter of murdering Pilar, he doesn't outright say he's having trouble but he does compare her to some kind of baseball sport player and Nancy to a lesser league of baseballer, and she pouts: "You can't do shit." Guillermo tells her not to get it twisted, that he's stuck telecommuting right now but is still very powerful, and he explains his price: to get his case transferred to Mexico. The only person who knew what side of the tunnel he was standing on when Nancy got it shut down ("Nasty rumor," she spits) was Till, whom Nancy has since essentially also murdered, so there's a chance for him to go to Mexico, at which point he pulls a David Blaine and slides under doors.

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