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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Dunbar's Number

Isabel is growing into a simply lovely young woman. She's sitting at Sebastian getting a blowout and begging Celia to explain why they're getting their hair done, and there's the slightest hint in her eyes that she wants to believe Celia when she says that she enjoys her child's company. "She's my salon buddy!" Celia chirps to a stylist, and Isabel gets up to leave, and Celia calls her back, saying that really she wants to apologize. "When you told me you were gay, I didn't react well," she says, and Isabel reminds her that she offered to quote "take my rug-munching ass to reparative therapy." Celia assures her, however, that "New Mommy is a Nice Mommy," and shows a bit of healthy curiosity about "being lesbionic," like, what's it all about?

Lulled into a false sense of security, Isabel admits that she's only really ever kissed a girl, and Celia's off. "Was that weird, kissing a girl? Was it soft? Was it good soft, like a puppy, or bad soft, like rotten fruit? Oh God, am I going to have to get a strap-on?" Isabel starts screaming immediately -- "No! You cannot take this away from me! It's all I have!" -- and Celia just laughs at her, blowing it off. "There's a lovely woman out there that thinks I'm the cat's meow," says New Mommy, and then laughs at her lame "cat"/"pussy" reference.

"You're NOT GAY, MOM," Isabel yells, and Celia's like, "What if I am? There was that Tracy Chapman song that I liked?" (Um, and Nancy Botwin with whom you've tried to have sex like a million times and with whom you are totally in love?) Isabel pronounces New Mommy to still be a hateful bitch, and Celia says some fucked-up thing about how she thought it would bring them closer before letting her go and turning to her stylist: "What about you? You ever get on down to Girly Town?" The woman just stares at her in the mirror, because WTF.

By the time she gets to Bubbeh's house, Andy has laid out wine and dinner -- albeit on a ping-pong table from his Brewster's Millions stint -- as well as clean sheets and towels on Audra's bed. They sit still for five seconds, then get back to fucking. A while later, she's hilarious and breezy in bed: "Holy crap! I mean, what were you doing? It felt like there were eight of you!" She tells him to do it again, he does it again, they're adorable, John Updike would be proud.

Doug's head is hurting because he hasn't gone a second without pot since before this show started. He yells for more aspirin and Dean tells him to chill because he's already had fourteen and he's endangering his kidneys. Doug's response: "Fuck my kidneys! What did those assholes ever do for me? And I swear if you tell me they clean my poop or whatever stupid shit they do, I will kill you. I will kill your face off!" Dean throws food at him in lieu of more meds, and they agree that food is stupid and their list is stupid and everything is stupid, and Doug notices how huge his feet are, like a clown, which dislodges a memory of how he got molested at the circus when he was six and that's why everything out of his mouth is either homophobic or homoerotic, and they are both so troubled by this spontaneous memory that they go digging for the pot again, promising to do it in shifts or at least to write down each other's awesome ideas like in a certain recent film by Christopher Nolan starring Guy Pearce and Carrie-Anne Moss that will probably be out on videotape soon.

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