Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
Cheese Gotta Have It

Specifically the Jet Blue of coyotes: "Sun Chips and bottled water, competitive pricing," and also without the rape and extortion. Doug agrees that this would be a good slogan, but gets distracted by an Asian girl with fake boobs. Andy brings it back to the coyote thing, which Doug is unsure about due to not really liking Mexicans. Love that Doug.

Nancy lays some manufactured enthusiasm on a customer, and gives her a practice belly. On finding out that, despite the hugeness, it's only a six-monther, the girl blanches. Nancy takes some retail resentment out on her with a grin: "Wait'll you see the six month ass!" She then heads, for no reason, back to the stockroom and the giant hole. Inside is Guillermo, who is looking more pained and upset than we've ever seen him. There's a black, black thundercloud over his head.

"Don't 'hi' me," Guillermo says, complaining that her trip through Wonderland is causing him massive trouble. Danger-trouble, not hassle-trouble, is the implication. She points out that the tunnel to Mexico wasn't part of her tour when she took over the store, and he tells her to shut up and be the face. Trying to make smalltalk, she asks about the man in the suit. Guillermo doesn't want to talk about it, but mentions that if something horrible happens to him, even worse will happen to Nancy. There is no smile in his eyes when he says this, and when Nancy goes back out into the store, he just stares into space. I love U-Turn most of all and I always will, but I have to say that Guillermo puts a smile on my face.

ISABELLE! Last seen selling her chola mommy down the river for the pleasure of revenge, is now standing in the middle of Maternity World, fighting with Celia. Apparently she wants to come live down by the sea, which is excellent news. Celia, of course, finds the whole thing to be an inconvenience as usual, "the whole thing" being motherhood. To prove the gravity of her situation, Isabelle explains dead-eyed that she came south on a Greyhound, where she found herself sitting next to a man with one leg.

Nancy and Isabelle quietly say hello, and Isabelle explains that sleeping on a hotel room chair while her father weeps and "overshares" in the next room is killing her. Additionally, Dean's going to work as a criminal defense lawyer in Detroit. "Everyone's out of work. No middle class, felonies are at an all-time high. It's his golden opportunity."

Celia blows her off, because of course that sounds like a great environment for her daughter to live in -- and frankly, not too far off from the life they once knew -- but Isabelle is not interested in giving in. They are such a perfect match, I love it. Celia lists Detroit's positive qualities: "It's Motown. It's cold, you can layer. I hear there's a great lake... Canada is... Up there...?" She gives her daughter some cash to take the train, and Isabelle asks her mother politely to, for once in her life, stop being a selfish fucking bitch, bringing six-month-belly girl up short: "Save me."

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