Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Big Rocks and Candy Mountains

Isabel tells her there's a detective downstairs asking about her: black guy, brown fedora, leather jacket. She says the guy said Celia's name, flashed a badge. "Maybe he thinks you're turning tricks?" Celia admits that possibility, hilariously. "Well, have fun with the whole Nancy envy. And the drug deal. And the taking and the wanting, and the not being afraid." Celia hands her another line about "no consequences, no regrets," and Isabel calls her attention to her figure in that dress. Celia corrects herself: one regret. "One big-haired, big-boned, big-loudmouthed regret." Which is the icing on the cake, as far as Isabel is concerned, because child abuse is just another fucking bullet in the gun if you look at it right.

Andy's manic again, jumping out in front of the car as Nancy's driver is pulling away. She tells the driver he's not an idiot, he's her... There's not a word anymore: He's just an idiot. He jumps into the car beside her, babbling about how he chased the car down, and explains that he's buzzing on anticipation, he's a man with a mission, he's the man with the plan. She rolls her eyes and he goes on: "What could that plan be, she asks herself. Intrigued, yes, perhaps even captivated by the..." She finally tells him to STFU with a very mean face, and he chills out. He tries to start again, and she calls him a child yakking in her ear; when he says he's having a major event in his life she asks if he's "going to Candy Mountain."

When he complains that it's always about her, she freaks out and says that yes, this one time she's not just being selfish and horrible. It really is about her. Not that he cares, not that he noticed enough to ask -- "Why so serious?" she says, which is amazing considering the rate at which people are turning into other people these days -- and he points out that something is always bothering her.

"My husband... God, that sounds weird," she says, and he agrees, "Is being held somewhere by somebody, for some reason, and I don't know if I'm ever gonna see him again. I kinda don't even know if my children are safe. Kinda don't know what's happening in my life. So I don't give a shit about your... shenanigans." He notes that she's having a problem of some caliber, but says that "shenanigans" is a bit rough. Plus, she's Nancy: she's going to be fine.

"Sorry I shenaniganned your major life event," she says, having pulled it together, but now he won't tell her what it is, because he feels stupid. "I'm going to Candy Mountain. You're right." She needles him affectionately until he finally spills his news. Number one, he's going to ask Alanis to marry him; number two, he wants the engagement ring that Judah gave her, which was an heirloom from Bubbeh. She looks at him like he just stabbed her in the gut, which is what he just did.

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