Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Big Rocks and Candy Mountains

The guys start kissing her in that gross trust-fundy way that's more about each other, and Silas finally springs into action, pulling their smacked-out asses off the couch. They get a little weird, but then Shane grabs one of them and threatens in Spanish to fuck him up the ass with his knife, so they run away. Silas is impressed.

The results of the quiz are as follows: Andy, with an 89%, understands what love is and is in true love. Nancy laughs that they can't count his orgy fixation against him at this point, or in 1974. "Nancybot," on the other hands, gets a 62%. She's disappointed. He pats her knee sweetly and says she still has the chance to reexamine her priorities and understanding of love and make a positive change in your life. "Or I could kill myself," she says boredly, and he comforts her that it's just a silly meaningless quiz, which she points out is obviously true, and he pulls that boy move of how he's special and truly in love, the exception to the cartoon rule, and she's like, "You're in love. For the moment." He acts like she's raining on his parade.

"I know you. This is what you do. You love to be loved, you pull all this love in, you build it all up in your head, and when it gets too close, you run." He gets pissed, and says he just wants the ring, not the "brilliant insight" that comes with it. She feels a little guilty, and says his name, and he realizes she's not giving the ring up. Awesomely: "Wow. You cannot get it together to treat me like somebody you actually care about."

Which is true, but not the point. I mean, it's the point, but not the point of this Andy-centric speech. Which if you recall is about the engagement ring she received from the father of her two sons, whom she is still mourning, which Andy would like for one of his fantasy schemes. Andy, if you recall, being the person who spent her dead husband's fortune on toys sometime in the last month and now wants to play house with Alanis Morissette. Just because he's being a jackass doesn't make it less true, though: "You are a fucking coward. You think that all this crazy shit you get into makes you brave. But you're fucking terrified of being ordinary."

"I would love to be ordinary," she says with tears in her eyes, thinking of Jill Price-Gray. "I would love to be back in Agrestic, waiting for Judah to come home." The town she burned to the ground, literally, while waiting for him to come home. And the house. "Yeah. I made sacrifices for my family. Fine." Andy points out that she sacrificed her family, instead. She's not kicking back watching Shane at soccer practice, exactly. "No, because you fucked that up. Don't sit here and tell me you want to be someone else when you do fuck-all to change what's going on." He's got her in tears when Cesar comes to get her. Holy crap, that was amazing.

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