Weeds

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Wing Chun: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Rec centre. Doug sings that it's just like the Super-Dome, except everyone's white and middle-class. Okay, kind of over the troubador now. Shane draws everyone's attention to yet another news report -- this one on the Christians who tried to get the cross out of the grow house. The reporter asks Tara, about to be loaded into an ambulance, why she and her colleagues did it. Tara: "The Lord told us to." Silas: "Okay, I'm over her." Way to catch up to the rest of us, Sile. Just then, an announcement comes over the PA for Celia to make herself known. Pam idiotically thinks Celia must have lost a raffle Pam wasn't even aware of, and excitedly raises Celia's hand for her...

...and then Celia's in Till's office, with a bunch of law-enforcement officers giving her the hairy eyeball. It takes her about twelve seconds to crack under the non-pressure and utter two magic words: "Nancy Botwin." This is why you don't let Squirrely into the group, man!

Speaking of Nancy: here she is on the Segway, buzzing up her block. A couple of cops are leaning on their car, maintaining the barricade, and refuse to let Nancy by, until she finally plays her trump, starting to cry because she forgot her husband's ashes in her house, which she says is "right there." Unable to resist the force of her tears, one of the cops lets her go, as long as she's back out in two minutes. Yeah, what kind of trouble could she get into in just two minutes?

Well, let's find out. I'm sure she's just planning to bring that can of gasoline out to the cops for safekeeping. Whoops! My bad: with cheeks still wet from her display outside, she opens the container and starts pouring gas all over the ultra-flammable great-room furniture. When she's emptied the container, she pulls out her phone to call Andy, telling him to collect the kids and get ready to "hit the road." Once she's hung up, she takes one final look around what had been her home for years, and quietly says, "Judah, if you're still here: I tried." She sure tried everything she knew how. Hell, this season she even got a job! She presses her lips together, and then gets back to business, pulling a box of matches out of a drawer and lighting one.

And then she's running out of the house again, empty-handed, returning to the Segway. The cop asks where the ashes are, and as she climbs back on the Segway, she says she forgot that her husband was actually buried. The cops obviously can't be bothered to deal with a demented homeowner, and let her Segway off into her uncertain future in...Albuquerque? I guess we'll find out next season! Before that, though, we get a horrible, black version of the shots that make up the opening credits -- except now, all the little boxes are on fire. TOO SOON!

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Weeds

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