Weeds

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Joe R: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Good Shit Lollipop

Shane's been taking quite an interest in news reports that a cougar is loose in Agrestic. And speaking of Celia (OH!), she's been emotionally abusing Isabelle about her weight.

Nancy pops in on Doug's office with some product to sell, but he says he's full up. And why? Because now he's been introduced to the wonderful world of medical marijuana, and his desk is full to brimming with not just regular weed, but cool shit like pot lollipops, one of which he's sucking on right now. Doug, because he's Doug, is either oblivious to the ill-affects this bodes for Nancy's business or just insensitive to it, because all he can do is enthuse about "the genius of Prop 215" and how the weed store he goes to is "like Amsterdam, only better because you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and stuff." Doug says you're limited to 8 ounces per visit, and Nancy, ever the mathlete, clarifies for the stupid and/or baked among us that that's half a pound. She asks if Doug is fucking with her (he's not) and then demands the address of this pot paradise.

Said pot paradise is named "Bodhi Sativa," which: awesome, and looks like a combination bakery and botanical gardens. Nancy is welcomed by "Craig X," who looks exactly like the human version of when Jeff Goldblum voiced Try McClure's agent on The Simpsons. The guy who plays Craig X is actually the real-life Craig X, who operates a medical marijuana club and is the show's weed consultant. Thanks, DVD commentaries! Nancy tells him she's "new to this" and he gives her the grand tour, showing her the big board that lists all the strains and prices, the various cloned plants they have available, and of course the vast array of edibles. Nancy goggles at all this new information, and we realize that while she's been dealing weed, she kind of doesn't know shit about it. As Craig's giving his tour, he hilariously schmoozes with the clientele, asking after their various ailments (anxiety, depression, one twentysomething skater punk is suffering from arthritis, the poor kid). Doug shows up, because he just couldn't stay away, and asks if there's any more of the "Stephen Hawking," thus named because you'll need to get wheeled out once you've smoked it. Heh.

Cut to Nancy in Heylia's kitchen, slamming a baggie on the table and accusing Heylia of selling her shit. "Skank weed." Nancy says she can't move it and she wants a refund. Heylia wants an ass like Beyoncé's -- that ain't happening either. Nancy tells them all about the weed store, which she calls the "Whole Foods of pot," and asks how she's supposed to compete with that. Heylia says, "When you figure it out, let me know," and Vaneeta says it's set their business off 17%. "What's the world comin' to when they legalize weed?" carps Heylia, over her knitting. "Ain't no goddamn morals left." Nancy produces a list of name-brand, high-end shit, and says she wants everything on that list. Vaneeta looks at it and says they can get her the first two, but the third strain sold out quick. Nancy can't believe Heylia's been sitting on the good stuff and selling Nancy the "schoolyard crap," but Heylia says Nancy never knew enough to ask for the good stuff, and you get what you ask for. Of course, "serious shit calls for serious cash," so Nancy gets far less bang for her buck this way, which poses yet another problem. "You can use that skank to cook with," suggests Conrad, who's been slow-cooking something on the stove this whole time. Heylia rolls her eyes at Conrad helping out the white lady, while Nancy's like, "Then it is skank!" Dude, they already admitted it was. Deal. (Get it??)

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