Back at the neighborhood flop-house, Megan is surveying the wall where her head-giving skills were given such a ringing endorsement, and she sees that next to it, someone has spray-painted "I'm sorry. P.S. My maid thinks I fucked a Smurf." Okay, Silas, that was cute. As cute as an apology for expecting blowjobs-on-demand from a near-stranger can be, anyway. Megan sees him sitting on the floor next to his graffiti confession and she hunkers on down next to him and gives him a sweet smile.
Back in the Botwin kitchen, Nancy's getting ready to bake again, but Lupita remarks that her butter doesn't look right. It's sage, Nancy says, but Lupita doesn't think it smells like sage. Nancy says her menopause must be messing with her sense of smell. "I don't smell with my coochie," smirks Lupita. Thanks to Charo, we know how funny the word "coochie" sound with a Hispanic accent. Shane comes in and goes for a taste of the cookie batter, but Nancy yelps something about salmonella and eats the goo off his finger. She then asks him if the "mountain lion" he shot was perhaps wearing a collar and meowing and maybe answered to the name "the Alderman's cat." Shane insists he shot the mountain lion, because it's what his dad would have done. Nancy's no match for that and she pulls Shane into a hug. Shane's a boy, so he looks uncomfortable and struggles a bit as his mom kisses his head and tells him she wants the BB gun. She'll be protecting the family for now.
Celia's at her vanity mirror poking around at her overstuffed belly and feeling fat. She tells Dean she hasn't shit in three days. Dean happily suggests this is karma for what she did to Isabelle, and in a manner of speaking he's right. Celia thinks he's full of it, though. Dean says, "Fine, shit on my theory. Oh wait, you can't!" Hee.
Heylia's. Nancy's got a fat wad of cash, which she says takes care of last week's buy, this week's buy, her ring, and her Range Rover. Heylia counts the money while Vaneeta says Nancy's impressed her. She thought for sure she'd end up broke, in a trailer park, and "having to score SAG cards for your kids to put food on the table." Conrad seems especially proud of Nancy, who gets up and asks for her car keys. Heylia tells her the money she gave only covers the weed and the rings; if she wants out of here with this week's buy, she'll have to leave the car again. "It's the strange or the range," she says. Nancy hesitates a second before snatching the weed. Heylia smirks, "Don't let the door hit your cute little ass on the way out." Nancy turns around, a mischievous glint in her eye, and loudly thanks Conrad for the cornbread recipe that helped save her "cute little ass" this week. She leaves and Conrad starts stammering to Heylia, who starts yelling: "You gave her my cornbread recipe and she put weed in it? YOU DON'T PUT WEED IN MY CORNBREAD!" She gets up out of her seat and chases Conrad around the table with a shoe in her hand. If this show didn't also cast white people in a terrible light, I'd feel guilty about laughing at all of this. Flavor of Love crisis averted!