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He Taught Me How To Drive By

Previously, Nancy spent the first half of Season 3 degrading herself in front of a traveling carnival of underworld lowlifes, including performing the infamous "brick dance" for Guillermo. Then U-Turn took Marvin for granted once too often and got himself killed, which you'd think would mean maybe Nancy won't be laying herself down and metaphorically (or literally) spreading her legs for anyone for much longer...right?

And, okay, I know the fact that I've waited until the hip-hop version of "Little Boxes" to say this might make me look bad, but: can we go back to the original theme song? The variations on the theme were cute before, but we seem to be slipping further and further down a rabbit hole here. Anyway...

U-Turn's funeral is the most ghetto-unfabulous thing you'll ever want to see. Oh, and his real first name is "Louis," not "Lewis" and I said last week. So U-Turn is laid out in a hot tub, with his Grandmama decked out in a couture mourning ensemble. Heylia remarks to Conrad from across the room that she reckons Grandmama's going to miss the gravy train U-Turn would apparently back up to her doorway. Nancy commiserates with Clinique and U-Turn's friend "Two Strikes" (and seriously, if Conrad and Heylia weren't currently holding things up as the moral center of the show right now, here's about where I would start feeling guilty for the cheap laughs at the ghetto jesters). Of note: Clinique bitches that she's "pregnant again" by "some Indian kid I mercy-fucked for U-Turn." Oh, Sanjay! The spirit wasn't willing, but it seems the body was able. Two Stikes reminisces about the good times with U-Turn, and Nancy shares that "he taught me how to drive by." Two Stikes looks at her like she's Honky Grandma Be Trippin'. Which she essentially is...or will be once Silas knocks Mary-Kate up (you know her family doesn't believe in abortion).

Sullivan meets with the Agrestic city council to try to sell them on a merger between Agrestic and Majestic. Celia fully backs this proposal (as you might expect), but Doug vehemently opposes it (ditto). The rest of the council members are with Doug, since he's told them all that Celia got a house out of Sullivan while they all presumably got crap like immersion blenders and automatic pool cleaners, and when Celia tries to speak, they all join Doug in coughing "whore" at her. Celia tells Sullivan that they can bypass the Council by putting the merger up for referendum. Ah, the referendum. Helping misinformed, small-minded communities make the wrong decision since 1897. After the meeting, Sullivan propositions Celia for some afternoon delight, but she keeps playing hard to get.

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