Weeds

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Did Newton Need Blake?

Silas is selling "head" cheese sandwiches -- in six and twelve inch sizes -- at a brisk pace, to businessmen and vegans. One dude actually orders a head-cheese sandwich, so when Lisa charges him $240 for it he's legitimately confused. He asks and asks and asks what's going on, while the onlookers worry about their own personal head cheeses, and finally Lisa panics in a total southern California way: "You're too fat!" she blurts, which causes the dude to go on whatever sizist tirade, and he ends up telling Silas that his mom's a rude bitch. Silas, who got irony from his real mom like a virus, almost grins: "Nice save, Ma."

Celia shows up at Group without her rehab buddy, and soon realizes -- "Because I can't do this alone... I do this as a we" -- that she's expected to go find him. She's looking great, finally, in a dress-and-pants combo, which I mean, we work with what we get. It's been a long time since hot Celia was around. She finds him with a quickness and, of course, he's snorting huge lines off a mirror. He complains that he can't do rehab sober, pointing out that his career as an airline pilot has gifted him with superhuman abilities to get shit past security. Heh. He goes on a long coked-up rant about how he flies better when he's high, so really it's a public safety issue that he do as many drugs as possible. Thanks, Barry. We the passengers salute you.

They chat about how great coke is -- she likes the moment just before, whereas he (as an actual hopeless addict and not just Celia Hodes trying on outfits) prefers the "fucking awesome" moment when it goes up your nose -- and he offers to share it with her, but she gets all Celia Hodes Has A Purpose In Life on him. They struggle over the coke while she's basically threatening to kill him with support, and of course right then the counselor walks in, looking for them both. He turns on Celia and whines that she was trying to force the coke up his nose, but I doubt a professional addiction therapist is going to buy that.

I had gone so long without loving/ I hardly knew what I was thinking.

Doug complains to Andy about how their shared ADD is making one and a half days with no Mermex sex feel more like a billion years. They discuss their differing life experiences: Andy yearns for the easy sex and drugs of the '70s, and when Doug points out that he was on drugs and getting laid throughout the '70s and '90s too, Andy says that it was different because he had to wear a condom. Doug says maybe the funniest thing he's ever said, about how after all he's done, she could at least give it up to the point of some "cockamole on her faceadilla." That is so, so funny. I'm sorry, but the whole coming on the face thing makes me laugh every single time. Andy tells Doug, because he actually knows Maria and not the idea of Mermex, some facts about Maria, like how she grew up in an orphanage. Doug calls this a jackpot, because with the implied Daddy Issues, the age difference should work in his favor. Men are beasts.

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