Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I Am The Table

Out at the border, Andy's wearing a "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" hat with bonus burnoose, and explains why he's given his aliens dry matzo: it's because he's Moses now. Which explains the hat. Their goodie bags include breath mints, a portable fan and copies of Padre Rico, Padre Pobre, which made me laugh, and he tells the illiterates in the group that he also has it on tape. There are a bunch of panties in the tree above them, which one of the guys explains is because it's a Rape Tree, which is to say, that's where evil men rape girls. Then I guess they throw their panties in the tree. That is troubling. Andy suggests moving their little picnic to a less "rapey" atmosphere. Like, New England or something?

Cheese Gotta Have It. Some guy comes in asking if Lisa makes sandwiches, and she reacts poorly. "We're a gourmet shop, not a sandwich shop." Silas tries to talk her into making gourmet sandwiches, but I think she was attacked by a sandwich as a child or something because she is really, really anti sandwiches. You can't even say the word in front of her, is how much she hates them. They hit the bong in the back room, and Silas is not impressed with her weed selection: "I'm guessing you bought it off one of Rad's friends?" He calls it the Cheez-Whiz of pot and they have a conversation about pot cultivation that culminates in him admitting that he's dropped out of school and is now a grower, looking to deal. "I am fucking a teenage drug dealer?" No, he says: "We make love." Aww. Silas gives her a hit from his excellent weed that he grows, and she admits she's been smoking Cheez-Whiz.

In the TJ, Esteban takes his time while they get his lunch ready; Guillermo and Nancy have been summoned for a very awkward sitdown. "Last week Nancy received a portion of your shipment... I instructed you to give her that portion and you did... And then you announced you would kill the marimacha bitch in front of her children." This is news to Nancy and to me, but I guess Guillermo's sad face and Guillermo's lesbian-killing face are too similar to necessarily know the difference. That makes me sad. I don't even think Nancy's capable of having her feelings hurt anymore: she's just like whoa. Esteban explains the SOP: you have to clear slaughter of coworkers, in front of witnesses, with the boss. "Nothing bad is going to happen to Nancy, right?" Guillermo's sad face and lesbian-killing face become one as he realizes that nothing bad is ever going to happen to Nancy, unless she brings it on herself, and probably not even then: "Of course not." You just said a mouthful there, sweetheart. Esteban makes it clear that Nancy's under his protection and dismisses Guillermo. He asks Nancy to stay, and explains that marimacha is an offensive term for a lesbian, which makes her laugh, and offers to take her to lunch.

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