Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I Am The Table

Celia is asleep on the counter at Maternity World as the third customer of the day walks out without paying. Ignacio is incensed by Celia's degenerating work ethic. "Where's Nancy? I'm lonely," she grumbles. "You're back there with your gun, and your puzzles ... movies... I've just got the donkey, plays Pop Goes The Weasel forty million -- hic..." She passes out on the counter again and he shoves some kind of inhaler in her nose, which gets her revved up a little bit. She offers to fuck him in the back room, but he's like, "RETAIL." She asks what it was, wobbling around all Celia-style, and he shows her a tiny little soccer shoe containing some kind of "stay-awake" medication. Remember when Celia looked down on people for using hillbilly heroin? Because I think even Oxy is a step up from random Mexican meth. "Wha' happen?" He tells her to take better care of herself, and to run the store. "I'm on it. The store is me. ...I'm tingly." He's annoyed by Celia and her mess, and goes back to the storeroom. "Okay, Mama! Let's get you dressed," she says to the next customer. I think maybe I could have handled retail if I'd been high all the time... Oh! A lot of shit just started making sense!

Weird Minuteman guy is patrolling the border fence -- including a broken busted area covered in weeds with a sign that says "More Fence Coming 2005" -- when Doug drives up to distract him/be lonely and sad some more. They engage in some community-building discussion of how Mexicans are taking away jobs from decent mop-fucking retarded Americans. "My retarded cousin Tom used to be a janitor. No more. Mexican took his job. After he got caught trying to fuck a mop, but still..." Doug says this is shocking. Minuteman says that his freaky steroid girlfriend from last week has left him: "She was my masterpiece. Six months of injections and I took her from 130 to 215 with a BMI of 18.6. She was two weeks away from an Adam's apple!" He's so sad as he says this; he tells Doug a story about how she used to dead-lift him after they had sex. That is some R. Crumb shit right there. Do not like. "There'll be others," Doug says. "Not like Hope." Where on earth is this story heading?

Up on the hilltop, Andy watches them leave. "I will lead you now. You shall be a free people! ...Lady Liberty beckons." They run down the hill; Doug radios in: "Not a bean on the tortilla ... no spic, just span..." Sigh. Ordinarily this would be the hardest part to watch, but of course Nancy and Celia are busily slipping deeper and deeper into hells of their own devising, so it's just part of the overall disgusting texture. Davenport, under a blanket in the back, waves them over and passes out baseball uniforms. Doug asks if anybody's seen Maria, but they haven't. Doug and Andy hug in jubilation over their first shipment as Davenport explains the baseball costumery. "What do we do now?" Nobody knows.

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