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Last Tango In Agrestic

In the kitchen, Nancy finds Andy at the fridge. Nancy: "Talk to Shane about jerking off." Andy: "I'm all over it." HA!

As sensuous Middle Eastern music plays, Nancy and Conrad get a walkthrough of a potential grow house Doug has found. Conrad explains that because it's in a gated community, there won't be cops randomly driving by. The exterior's nondescript, and they have good access to power lines. Nancy asks if they trust the landlord, and Doug says that he's far away; Mr. Ivakian is a client of Doug's who retired to Arizona. As long as they pay their rent on time and swear they're not Turkish, they're fine. Nancy doesn't get it, so Doug explains that Mr. Ivakian is Armenian, and Armenians hate Turks -- "some Armenian genocide thing or something" -- and advises never to order Turkish coffee in an Armenian restaurant. Nancy sarcastically says that she'll keep that in mind for all the "fine Armenian dining" she does, but Doug tells her not to knock it, particularly recommending the fattoush salad (word -- and Glark just made it for dinner last night! So refreshing on a hot summer evening). Conrad tells Doug he's been eating some "weird shit," and Doug says, "That's right -- I heard you guys aren't adventurous eaters." Conrad disputes this notion: "Real men eat the sushi." Nancy tries to excuse herself from the conversation while Doug and Conrad giggle. When Nancy's gone, Conrad says that he won't eat anything called "fat tush." Doug says he thinks Conrad's probably had fat tush, but Conrad calls this another stereotype. Nancy shuts them up, ordering Doug to call Mr. Ivakian and say they'll take the place. While Doug dials, Nancy tells Conrad she feels good about everything and isn't scared. Conrad warns her about the evil eye, but Nancy's undeterred: "Good good good good good." Argh, now she's making ME nervous! Doug hangs up; the place is theirs. Conrad tells Nancy and Doug that this is the time they need to be careful, since grow houses run into trouble as a result of crazy ex-girlfriends out for revenge and the like -- you know, "fucked-up personal shit." This seems to strike a chord with Nancy, but she keeps quiet. Conrad orders them not to tell anyone about the house.

Dean enters and asks what's going on; Doug distractedly says that "Conrad was just saying something." Suddenly, Dean connects the dots: "Conrad." As Nancy and Conrad stare apprehensively, Doug gives Dean the filing papers for his city council campaign. Dean hasn't taken his eyes off Conrad, though, and announces, "You're the Conrad who fucked my wife." "Terrific," says Nancy, closing her eyes. Doug tries to melt away. Conrad says he doesn't know what to say, and gets up. Nancy tries to stop him, but Conrad says that "fair's fair," and stands in front of Dean, crossing his wrists behind his back: "You get one free shot." Dean pulls back his fist, and Conrad flinches a little in preparation. But Dean says he needs time to plan. Conrad refuses: "You hit me now, or the offer's off the table." Dean says that he's never hit a guy before. Conrad says that Dean is "taking pussy to a whole new level." Dean doesn't even seem all that mad as he says, "You did bang my wife." Conrad agrees, but stipulates, "No sucker-punches to the stomach! That's how Houdini died, and I ain't going out like that." Huh. I really think I'd be more concerned about my face.

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