Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Snakes In A Cokehead!

An old lady recognizes Doug's picture of the Mermex and asks for a bribe. "Don't tease me, you crusty whore," he says, but offers her a shot of tequila. Not enough. "You cock-juggling thunder-cunt!" he screams, breaking a bottle, and Andy hands over actual cash. They chat about how excited Doug is to be seeing Maria again -- and then the old lady disappears around the corner faster than anything. Bad Coyote Belt-Stealer Guy comes gimping around the corner, scaring Andy. "I will shoot your knee, and shoot your balls. I will shoot your belly and feed you to the sewer rats." They stand at gunpoint, about to die, but then all the immigrants come out and speak on Andy's behalf, then begin to riot and kill Bad Coyote. Andy calms them down and tells him to limp away and be unharmed, as is the way of El Andy. Hector, who does not speak English, breaks Bad Coyote's head with a bottle. Excellent.

Ignacio and tunnel guy have Celia tied up in the back room at Maternity World with a giant bra in her mouth like those horses that pull carriages. Tunnel guy explains to Nancy that Celia is "loco" and has snakes in her head. Awesome! Nancy agrees. Ignacio says she has a good heart, and Nancy fires her in order to keep her alive. She begs them not to tell Cesar what happened, and mangles some Spanish in offering tunnel guy clothes from the store. He says it is a store for women who hate men for making them fat, and Nancy asks if there are any women he knows that are pregnant or that he wants to impregnate. His sister, he says, which causes Nancy to freak, but Ignacio clarifies that the sister is pregnant, by her husband. Nancy tells him to fill a bag of stuff and forget about all this. Nancy tells Ignacio she's going to wear something fun to Celia's funeral, and cleans up her pretty face. "I have a very sick child on my hands," she tells Esteban -- who is watching Celia's reverse-abduction out of the tunnels on his videotape.

Cesar reminds Esteban that this is not the first trouble Nancy's caused, and worries that she's putting him in danger. "Did you show her your lion?" Cesar asks, and gets sad. Hmm. Esteban tells him to make a fucking drink -- "something dangerous" -- and laughs to himself.

Nancy tears the pictures into tiny bits -- adios, awesome naked pictures of Nancy! -- and flushes them, then downs some white wine in preparation for explaining to Silas and Shane, respectively, that you don't fuck or masturbate to your mom, ever. It's a neat scene, intercutting the two conversations -- as Shane slides down the couch and pulls a blanket over his face and Silas gets snotty about once again having his total number called -- just in case you didn't see the parallels before. Needless to say, MLP blows it right out of the water. There's our girl.

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