Weeds

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Snakes In A Cokehead!

"It's a little... I don't want to say weird. Maybe another word that means weird, without all the... weird connotations of weird, like... peculiar, maybe, or eccentric... How about quirky? Okay, it's quirky, it's a little bit quirky to masturbate to pictures of your mother. To have this sexual kind of... relationship, or connection, or... Hookup with a stand-in for your mother. You may think it's okay, because this woman isn't actually your mother..." And in comparison, Nancy doesn't look like the pictures in question (she actually totally does), but in any case, Freud said "a lot of people wanna have sex with their mother, or substitute for their mother, and it's normal in the planning stages, but... it should stop there. And I realize there's a lot of hormonal compulsion, some of it... beyond your control. And it's nothing terrible, or unnatural, or... anything we need to talk about in gory detail. Because sex is good! Freud said, or Annie Sprinkle, maybe, said sex is great! And you should have sex, safely, with your peers like Megan or Tara... Or Playboy or Penthouse, or Juggs if you're so inclined to that particular body part, you should go ahead! Fantasize about having great sex with these people! But you should probably avoid the areas which include having great sex with your mother, or a substitute for your mother, and I mean, things, you know, happen. It's understandable. She's blonde, she's got a... cheese store... You hide them in a biography of Sammy Davis, Jr., it happens." She swears to never, ever, ever, speak of this again. Silas gets up and walks out of the house, totally freaked out. Nancy drinks her wine and watches the statue of blanket-Shane put its hand to its head.

Nancy's getting ready for her date with Esteban when he calls and stands her up again. Scars on her back, dress on the bed. At the hotel, Isabelle wakes Celia up in a pile of booze bottles, Restylane boxes, drugs, and assorted junkie trash. There's a needle sticking out of her forehead, which Isabelle removes and asks if she's shooting heroin. "It's for my lips!" Celia exclaims brightly, looking kind of like she's had a stroke, and Isabelle points out that it was in her forehead. "It works there too!" Isabelle suggests that Celia is in serious need of help and Celia nods: "Okay. I'll hold out my lip and you put it in!" Isabelle threatens to call Dean, and then Celia sneezes blood all over her daughter's face.

Shane walks through the halls of the school, mission accomplished, as the kids whisper about how he's "psycho," how somebody heard he killed his dad, how he wears a necklace of Dan's teeth, rides to school in a limousine, has crazy eyes and a huge dick and is a bad ass. Two goth girls show him their tummies, on which they've scrawled SHANE and BOTWIN; they invite him to party. Bear officially eaten.

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