Weeds

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MILF Money

The Submarines' spooky cover "Little Boxes," and then GrowCo is harvesting its crop. The montage ends with a champagne toast in the kitchen. Oh, and Dean and Doug are working together without any apparent static, so I guess all is forgiven for the whole oversight with the campaign papers. The prospect of sharing in a six-figure-grossing business will ease tensions like that, I guess.

And then Conrad is in a recording studio, smacking a baggie down on a mixing board. The engineer, Vernon, turns around to see Nancy (or rather, Nancy's ass), and appreciatively asks whether Conrad brought him a "tall, creamy present." Conrad says that the "cream puff" has two kids and a new husband, and tries to draw his attention to the weed, but Vernon advances on Nancy, introducing himself and adding that he's a Scorpio. "Lacy" replies that she is, too! She says she'd like to get him high, and talks up the strain. Vernon fires up the bong they obviously have handy. Nancy fishes for compliments, and Vernon pronounces it "smoke-a-licious."

But don't take his word for it! In walks Snoop Dogg. Conrad and Nancy exchange a shocked, excited look. Vernon introduces Nancy to Snoop as "a very married MILF," handing over the bong and says that Nancy brought what's in it. Snoop takes a hit and tells his entourage that it's "the motherfucking MILFweed." He starts improvising a rap about the MILFweed, and Vernon sends him straight into the booth to lay it down. Out with Vernon, Conrad and Nancy watch and clap in delight. You really can't pay for an endorsement that good. Vernon tells Nancy and Conrad to come back the next day with "two or three of those happy packs," and on their way out, Vernon makes sure to shake hands with the lovely Lacy.

On the street in front of the studio, Conrad and Nancy dance around, ecstatic. Conrad says that with Snoop's branding, their shit is about to go crazy. He picks Nancy up in a fireman's carry and takes off down the street, shrieking that they need to go make some moneeeeeeeey! You seldom see this kind of excitement among people who sell photocopiers for a living.

Chez Hodes. Dean enters, commenting on Celia's "new wig," but apparently we can say goodbye to that platinum blonde affair; she has a pretty new strawberry blonde 'do she says is a weave. She also tells Dean that she's giving an anti-drug speech at the middle school the next day and needs Dean to be sober. Dean doesn't get it, and she explains that he'll be playing "Sober the Sasquatch." Dean marvels that Celia actually thinks a douche in a gorilla suit is going to scare kids straight, but Celia corrects him that Sober is a sasquatch, because children both love and fear those. She makes a crack about Dean's back hair possibly obviating the need for a suit, and Dean cheerfully takes off, wishing her luck talking down to the kids. I think that's the only direction Celia ever talks.

Celia then goes to open the front door, finding an angry Agrestic homeowner with a mittful of dogs on leashes, raging that Celia wants to close the dog park. The woman is your typical crazy-ass dog person, calling her dogs her children, and arguing that the park is gated off and doesn't bother anyone. Celia complains about smells, noise, and the use of the park after dark by teenagers on drugs. The woman accuses Celia of being a hater, hating dogs and teenagers-- "And you," adds Celia, "because you call your dogs your children." Yeah, I've got to go with Celia on this. Not that I have much more use for people who get this foamy at the mouth about slights to their actual children, either.

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