Weeds

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MILF Money

Heylia's. There's a dispute over microwave popcorn, and then Vaneeta brings us up to speed: their customers are nowhere to be seen. Vaneeta's heard that there's some awesome new strain out and they don't have it. Heylia blames the economy, and the medical marijuana clubs, but Vaneeta's not so sure, and asks Heylia to look around: "What's missing?" Vaneeta, Heylia knows. Quit trying to interrupt her state of denial.

So Heylia meets with U-Turn, while an underling, Teenya, pumices his heels. Addressing him as "Lewis," Heylia asks about the new strain. U-Turn tries to act tough, refusing to answer her unless she calls him by his professional name, and Heylia agrees to identify him as "a traffic violation," and asks why she doesn't have this new weed. U-Turn gives her shit for not knowing, asking if she's getting soft in her old age, and Heylia tells him not to get smart with her, reminding him that she's seen him playing the violin, in a powder-blue suit, in his mama's house. Teenya snickers, as anyone would. U-Turn says he hasn't forgotten where he came from, though some people have. "Go on," says Heylia tolerantly. U-Turn tells her about MILFweed, and how much everyone likes it. She asks where it's coming from, and U-Turn, loving the position he's in, fake-grouses that he has to be the one to tell her where it's coming from. Heylia: "Because I started you, and I can finish you, and I need to hear it." U-Turn finally tells her that it's Conrad and Nancy: they're farmers now and, according to U-Turn, they're "fucking great at it." Not a good day for Heylia.

Farmer Conrad, meanwhile, is showing Doug how to send good vibrations to the plants, so that the people who smoke them feel the love. Doug doesn't quite buy it, but before they can debate it, there's a knock at the door. Conrad guesses that it's Sanjay, but when Doug goes to look, he says he thinks it's a Jehovah's Witness. He opens the door, announcing, "We're Shinto." Of course, it's Heylia. When Conrad sees her, he jumps out of his chair, shitting a brick. Heylia surveys the situation, her rage and betrayal keeping her silent. Conrad babbles a reminder that he came to her with this first and she shut him down. She says that there aren't any excuses for what he's done. Conrad protests that she laughed at him. Heylia intones that they don't grow; they deal. Conrad says that's true of her, but that she needs to treat him as a grown man. All Heylia sees is that he went behind her back with one of her customers, and lied to her. He took business from her. None of that is how a grown man acts. Conrad says that he can help her now -- she can retire -- but Heylia's not interested, and says that when this all falls apart, she doesn't want to be anywhere near him. Conrad sadly says, "You don't have any faith in your boy." Heylia sarcastically says that he just said he was a man; he can't have it both ways. She adds that neither he nor Nancy (whom she calls "Barbie") is welcome in her home any longer. Conrad takes this in stoically, and then Heylia throws down a round wad of bills, demanding three pounds of MILFweed. Doug has enough sense of occasion to have been silent this whole time, and stays so as he goes to the fridge to bring it out for her. Conrad sadly asks why it has to be this way. Heylia: "You wanted to be on your own? You're on your own." She shoulders her bag and leaves. Once Heylia's gone, Doug can be himself again, asking who Barbie is: "Is she hot?" Oh, Doug. Can't you give any of your shifts to Mr. Fuck Hughson?

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