Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B+ | Grade It Now!
Welcome to the Border

Nancy is sitting outside Bubbie's house at the beach, humoring a little kid who wants her to watch him do some sick moves with his Heelys. Andy, Shane, and Silas arrive. Shane is still mad about his mother burning their house down until Nancy assures him she got the important stuff, the photo album and boxes of photos, et cetera. I don't believe her for a second. Andy picked Nancy up some spaetzle at a German deli in Carlsbad, and the Botwins discuss whether or not Bubbie is inside or out on a walk and whether or not she has a dog inside; Nancy said when she rang the doorbell a dog started barking its head off inside. The little neighbor kid pipes up and tells them that Bubbie has no dog. Nancy informs her boys that this is "Rad"-- pause-- "that's his name, Rad" and that he's ten, has read the whole Narnia series, has moved onto His Dark Materials, has divorced parents, favorite color is green, and on and on, in order to inform Andy, Shane, and Silas that she's been there waiting for them for a long time. Rad shows them all that there's no real dog inside, it's just the doorbell rigged up to sound like a vicious barking dog. Andy takes Shane around the side of the house to break in; moments later, Shane opens the front door and declares that they can't stay there.

Back in Majestic, Doug and Dean sit in the alley behind the evacuation center, smoking out and pretending like the ash falling from the sky is snow. Doug declares that it "tastes like loss" and then gets excited over the prospect of combining FEMA vouchers with Dean to get a "ginormous dude suite." Dean reminds him of Isabelle, but Doug says she's almost a dude. Doug wants to know whether or not the injured Dean still poops himself and after some going 'round the subject, clarifies the situation for us all: "you used to poop yourself but now you don't." A federal agent approaches them, Doug explains that Dean has a doctor's note for the joint he has in his hand.

The Botwins crowd around Bubbie, who is apparently unconscious and on a respirator. Shane wonders if she's just taking a nap and Andy checks by telling her that he's going to go in her purse and take all her five-dollar bills. When she doesn't respond, Andy confirms that she is not taking a nap or faking it. Nancy makes a mental note to start taking fish oil. Silas gets off the phone and tells them that the nurse was fired and a family member took over Bubbie's care. At this, Andy goes nuts and Nancy tries to assure him that "we don't know for sure." But then Andy sees the signs everywhere -- missing paintings, missing tchotckes, Franzia and some sort of processed, encased meat. Just then "he" comes in, and "he" is apparently Albert Brooks -- Andy and Judah's dad. Oh, shit.

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