Weeds

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Protection

That night, Nancy's in Shane's room, trying to see if she can put his brain back together again. Shane says that "Judah" likes the way Nancy's wearing her hair these days, but that he's also angry, with all of them. Nancy says that's not fair, then begs Shane to remember that he was there when his father died and thus knows for a fact that he's dead. My assumption is that a real shrink would not take the approach of reminding the boy with the break from reality that he saw his father die. "Please don't do this anymore," Nancy says, her voice cracking, "it's making me really sad." Shane tells her that Judah still loves her, and Nancy is like, "Shane, this is you talking...right?" He says it's not, then begs Nancy not to be mad at him. She says she's not, but then she walks out. Shane turns to the camera -- I love that he looks right at us when he's supposed to be talking to Judah; so creepy -- and says, "She's mad."

Grow House. Conrad answers the door to find a nosy Majestic neighborhood watch lady, who is visibly surprised to see a black man answer the door. She soldiers on, though, cheerfully passing out a flyer regarding the missing Gaudy Majestic Cross. Conrad fakes shock, asking who would do something like that. "Jews," answers Nosy Majestic Hag easily. Vaneeta walks up to the door, and Nosy Majestic Hag says she must be "the wife." Heh. She coos over Vaneeta's baby for a bit, asking why "little black babies" are always so cute. "Why are little white babies so ugly?" Vaneeta volleys back before heading inside. Nosy Majestic Hag's enthusiasm is undampened, and she says she hopes to see them in church. But how will Jesus know where to find them without that giant neon monstrosity that's currently breathing life into Conrad's crop? "I hate white idiots," Vaneeta says, after the Hag's gone. "White idiots named Doug," Conrad offers, staring at the Gaudy Majestic Cross.

Speak of the white idiot: here's Doug, in his office, the next day (and holy crap are we just flying through the calendar right now). Celia pays him a visit, and they're both as acrimonious to each other as ever. But Celia needs a shady accountant to help launder her money, so of course she's come to Doug. After all, he did the same for Nancy. Yeah, but Doug says he likes Nancy. "Everybody likes Nancy," Celia grouses, "and everybody hates Celia. Time to come up with a new narrative." Only after the WGA gets their online residuals, hon. Celia says that she's a part of the operation now, whether anyone likes it or not, and she intends to be treated as such. Doug takes a long pause, and then announces that he'd really like to have sex with Celia right now. Lord. Celia slides herself up next to him, puts a hand on his crotch...and starts squeezing. "I'd sooner lose a leg than suck your dick again," Celia says. She tells him to get on that dummy corporation thing, and quickly. "How 'bout Ballbusters Inc.?" Doug whimpers. Celia's like, "Whatever works...bitch."

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