Weeds

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Wing Chun: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Risk

The morning after Nancy and Conrad TOTALLY DID IT, Nancy returns home, reading a newspaper article about a stolen cross. She's not so interested in it until she comes in her front door and...sees it taking up her entire foyer, flanked by Doug and Andy. They start laying into her for all the sinning she's obviously been doing, and she absently demands the removal of the cross and dismisses Doug (which is the last you'll be seeing of him in the episode, boo), as Andy starts nagging her about offering their customers some "biker bambi." With Shane loitering around, listening intently, Nancy pretty quickly figures out what's going on: Andy met a biker chick. Andy admits it readily enough, and says that Chess just wanted Nancy to think about it. Nancy asks why Chess knows anything about her, and Andy admits that part was kind of creepy. Shane breaks in to say it isn't good that Chess is aware of Nancy, and with Andy still whining at Nancy not to cockblock him, she wanders out, ordering Andy to have Doug remove the cross. Shane asks Andy how Doug did get an eighteen-foot cross inside Nancy's house, anyway, and Andy guesses that it was a miracle. Shane: "I don't believe in miracles. I believe in Pittsburgh." The miracle is that anyone would want to MOVE to Pittsburgh! Ba-dump-bump! I'll be here all night.

Elsewhere in the neighbourhood, Heylia and Vaneeta are taking the baby for a walk. Vaneeta's excited to be hanging out somewhere without graffiti and junkies on the corners, but Heylia tells her that it's only temporary, and that there are plenty of junkies around -- they're just not on the corner, because they have air conditioning. Heh. Every jogger that passes them goes out of his or her way to greet the ladies, and Heylia notes that they say "good morning," but that what they mean is "I'm not racist." Vaneeta cracks up. It beats plying the drug trade in Baltimore, anyway.

Nancy -- in a handkerchief top and cuffed shorts and too-high chunky sandals (a little youthful, but I'll allow it) -- wanders into the kitchen at the new grow house, where Conrad is messing around with his plants. She asks how they're doing, and he starts to answer that it's going to take a little time to get back up to speed, before smoothly checking that they're still talking about the crop. Nancy says that they are, and that she was thinking of investigating a new supply line. Conrad coos, "I can't fill you back up right now," so Nancy says that she'll look into the other supplier, and then they're making eyes at each other and are about to start with the outmaking when Heylia enters, complaining that she can smell the house from two blocks away. Conrad suggests that she plant some fragrant herbs outside. Speaking of smell, Nancy leans in and whispers to Conrad that he needs a shower as she flounces toward the door. Heylia asks why she isn't staying to help, and Nancy claims that she "doesn't have the green thumb." She gives Conrad a significant look -- plainly inviting him to check what colour each of her body parts may be -- and leaves. Heylia crabs to Conrad, "She just has the white attitude." What attitude might that be? I'm so glad you asked!

Cut to: Sullivan's office. He's on the phone when Celia enters with a baseball bat and starts smashing up the place -- starting with knickknacks and moving on to his glass desktop and windows and the glass case over the miniature model of Majestic. By the time a bunch of staffers have gathered in the doorway, Celia takes the opportunity to tell Sullivan she hopes, for Nancy's sake, that he used a condom: "God forbid that you should replicate." She ends by smashing Sullivan's glass desktop, smugly tossing him the bat (at which he flinches, naturally), and sauntering out. See? Compared to that, whatever Nancy's got barely qualifies as white pique.

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