Weeds

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Wing Chun: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Risk

Grow house. Celia roars up in her car and finds Conrad tweaking something electrical outside, babbling to him that she wants to be on the team, and "one of the cool kids." He tries to tell her that her role on the team is to collect her rent every month, but Celia's still on a high from her confrontation with Sullivan and wants to do something a little more interesting. Conrad quickly groks that there's no point arguing with her in this moment and promises that he'll think of something for her to do. Until then, he hands her a pair of pliers, and she considers them for a second, chirping, "I'm helping, Daddy! Aren't I? [crazy-lady laugh]" Conrad looks duly alarmed. Maybe her first job should be to "test" some of the product.

At his office, Sullivan's sifting through the wreckage on his floor when Tara enters. He bitches at her for being so late, and says he really needs to smoke out. Looking around, she replies that he must, and puts the pipe in his mouth and lights it for him, asking what happened there. He distractedly says that it was a sign that he needs to move on to his next "shitty, prefab Jesus town." Tara mildly chides him for taking the Lord's suburban developments in vain like that, and says she'll be sorry to see him go, since he's one of her best customers. Sullivan tells her she could come with him, though the come-on is pretty half-assed -- seems like a reflex, really. She declines, saying she likes the shitty, prefab Jesus town, and teeters out of there on her too-high heels. They'll just always look like they're playing dress-up to me, those Olsens. (I realize that when I write that, I just sound old, but I don't care. They should get their hair out of their faces, too.)

Chez Chess. Still in her wispy top and shorts, Nancy sits opposite Chess, while Andy and Denise chill on the couch, framed between the grownups. Chess leads with a reference to the MILFweed, which either irritates or unnerves Nancy (it's hard to tell with that lockjawed accent of hers). He suggests an icebreaking game of Risk -- which Andy is all for -- but Nancy pokes him, and Chess notes that "Mommy is all business." He goes to the back room and returns with a bag of weed, telling Nancy that it'll make her housewife customers forget "that their husbands won't fuck them." Nancy gives him a bit of a look -- whether for the sexist comment, or because Chess doesn't know enough about her business to realize that she hasn't ever dealt toa housewife that we've seen -- and asks him how much. He says it's $5000 for a pound, and Nancy, getting up, tests the heft of the bag and diagnoses it as being a little short. Chess kind of condescendingly says that she's sharp, and offers to give her 10% off, and take it on consignment, as long as she comes back soon with that $5000. Nancy -- who's spent this whole scene ping-ponging back and forth between annoyed impatience and disarming grins, per usual (while Andy flirts -- again, per usual -- seducing Denise with talk of Risk) reminds him that 10% off would make it $4500, and Chess is like, "Got me again, heh heh!" Nancy guesses (and Denise confirms) that "Chess" is short for "Chester" (a name Denise says he hates), and Nancy immediately starts undermining him by calling him Chester instead (bush league, but so's Chester, so whatever) as she drags Andy bodily out of the house, blue balls and all.

Nancy's. The alarm goes off, and Shane, brandishing a hockey stick, starts racing through the house, checking everyone's door; none of Andy, Silas, or Nancy has apparently been in bed. Shane comes downstairs, calling, "Mom? Dad?," finally -- after WAY too long for this viewer's taste -- managing to turn off the pealing alarm. In the quiet that ensues, Shane looks directly to the camera and greets whomever he apparently sees there, saying "it was just a bug in the system." That's one way to say it. A mental-health professional may have a different interpretation.

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