Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Away We Go

Sexy damn puppy, though. Meanwhile, this doughy blond cop guy is shaking his head at Silas and Doug. "Next to Molly's Pet Depot, where I got my first dog Scraggles, across from the Surfside Pancake Hut, you guys wanna sell drugs?" (It's so weird to think of California as a place that was invented earlier than yesterday afternoon. I moved around a whole lot, so it's probably just me, but when you talk about the place where you got your first pet it sends me straight to a Stars Hollow place.) Silas redirects him, calling it "compassionate care," and he reminds them Ren-Mar is a wholesome town, lived here his whole life, blah blah: "...So I'm going to want my cut." He offers them the choice of a fixed monthly payment, or a percentage of the sales, and Doug takes him aside ("We're a little new to this whole extortion thing") while Deputy Jones steps away to help an old lady across the street.

Back on the Agrestic City Council, Doug did the same thing to a guy who wanted to open a gay bar, unfortunately titled the White Swallow. He took the percentage, which was "a sucky choice," because the only "fruits" in Agrestic besides Josh (and that old dude he was fucking) grew on trees. If you're using your head, you know that he means it was sucky for Doug, not for this nameless guy, because obviously you would choose the percentage, because that means you're not stuck with the overhead of making the payment when business isn't great, and when it's booming the trickledown means you won't miss the percentage as much.

Silas is not using his head, so when Jones comes back over he immediately commits to monthly payments. Doug's too stoned to adequately correct Silas or his misunderstanding, but Jones is all "no backsies" and immediately signs off on their application. This will turn out poorly. He throws them a Hang Ten and claims to be "stoked," while Silas stalks off all pissed and dumb, and Doug tries to explain how that just went down, confusing himself more and more.

Nancy's on the couch in her cute PJs, reading What To Expect and being slightly freaked out by Sucio's Sucioness: he kills a mosquito or other insect by slapping it, and then scratches himself absentmindedly. It's pretty bleak. "Okay. Enough. I know your calling card is this whole rugged, unwashed thing. I can't take it anymore." She drags him toward the outdoor shower, ignoring his terrified protests: "Comprendo this."

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