Weeds

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Drunken Bee: B- | Grade It Now!
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Day Seven. Len counts down the Shiva and declares that the house is now for sale. Shane wonders where they'll live. Andy argues that the house should stay in the family and Len quotes him a price. Shane promises that he won't leave and Len says that he'll just make the house more valuable. A little boy? "We'll sell it to a priest." Nancy stomps out of the house, ignoring the impending homelessness of her family and Bob the Real Estate Agent just takes this moment to tell Len how much he enjoyed sharing this time together. Len listens and thanks him for his sentiments but then says, "I'm going to go with the hot chick who came over on Tuesday." Bob: "You're a piece of shit." And he's out!

Nancy reunites with Guillermo who declares that he'd never leave the house if he had to stay home for seven days every time a family member died. He tells Nancy about how he had to smother a guy with a pillow once. "My arms got tired. You?" Nancy: "Not so much. It was Tempur-Pedic. Conformed...to her face." The suburban absurd. It can be so good sometimes. Guillermo tells Nancy to choose between a red and a blue Igloo cooler. He begins by saying it's like Deal or No Deal, except with none of those ladies with the suitcases that he wants to fuck in the mouth. Oh, my Howie Mandel, that's nasty. Nancy picks red and finds a gun, juice box and five thousand dollars. She'll get the other five when she completes the deal. She wonders why she needs the gun, and Guillermo tells her she'll be doing a pick-up in the desert: it's for rattlesnakes and for the chupacabre. Nancy's nervous and asks for fifteen thousand, Guillermo says she picked red and it pays ten; she opens the blue cooler and finds the same address but, as Guillermo hisses, "no juice box!"

Len haggles with the real estate agent over asking price and when she informs him that he'd have to settle for a million he threatens to go back to Bob. She thrusts out her chest and says that Bob's tits won't get the extra fifty thousand at closing. Now, do we see the difference between the suburban absurd (Tempur-Pedic Brand Euthanasia) and the just plan suburban (real estate haggling and boob jokes)? Sigh. She leaves and Len brings Shane upstairs on a "treasure hunt."

Celia and Till meet at a bar, Till drinking some sort of glowing green douche bag drink. Celia tells him how she caught Nancy red-handed, informing that she saw her with Guillermo and then Nancy didn't leave the house for seven days. People were bringing food and everything: "I think she's more powerful than we thought." She lays out a series of photos that apparently my dad took: all foreground and wonky perspective. Till finally weighs in on her "revelations" sighing "I think that someone Jewish died and you know Diane Arbus." My dad, Diane Arbus, six of one, half dozen of the, oh you know. Till threatens Celia with going back to prison and tells her she can have more time if she joins him onstage for some Karaoke. Celia hesitates, but when he calls out "going once, going twice...." she runs up there abjectly and is forcibly Karaoke'd -- using Human League's "You're an Obsession." Surely, there is a civil rights bill to protect against such a crime?

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