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Drunken Bee: B- | Grade It Now!
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Get Mommy a Pillow

Previously: We continue to be deprived of Conrad and Heylia. I mean, I get that Romany Malco is making the whole "movie star" bid....but they couldn't throw us even a little Tonye Patano? Currently: credits run across Bubbie's vitals screen and we open on Nancy wondering whether Bubbie's eyes follow her -- like one of those cartoon/novelty paintings -- as she moves around in front of her. Shane, reading Keats, attempts to slow down his straight descent-into-hell-by-association-with-these-people by remarking that Bubbie is "alone and palely loitering." Andy comes in wearing boxers and a fur-collared, three-quarter-length-sleeve coat. The coat is because Andy slept out on the porch; he tells Nancy that Bubbie's whole "I want to die" thing freaked him out. "Plus, it's like bunking with Darth Vader in here" (breathing noises). Nancy didn't know about Bubbie's Yiddish plea for deliverance. Len yells from the bathroom about all the long, dark hairs clogging his shower drain, Silas comes in (shamefully, wearing a robe like he's Amish or something) from the outdoor shower. Len marches into the room wearing a woman's nightgown -- neither he nor Andy remark on the cross-dressing family resemblance -- and hands Nancy a veritable bird's nest of nasty shower drain hair. Andy tries to confront his father about Bubbie's death wish, while Nancy wonders over all the hair in her hand. Silas: "You're under a lot of stress."

Back at the police station, Till asks Chola Celia whether chance or fate brings people together. Chola Celia is SO much less badass than PTA Celia and she sort of weepily mutters and just begs not to be put back in jail. Till tells her that he's giving her a chance to get out of jail if she hands him Nancy Botwin. She meekly asks if that will get her charges dropped and Till tells her that the better the information, the more leniency she'll get. He lets her know that who is really wants is Guillermo Garcia Gomez and Celia starts to get a gleam back in her eye. Till goes on about how Guillermo's the whale and he's Ahab, yadda yadda, and Celia, getting up to leave, gives Till her best flirty look. I mean, as best she can do with sideburn curli-cues taped down and Sharpie'd-in brows. Till tells her that he liked her blonde on her driver's license and she should think about "going there" again.

Guillermo and company watch the tape of Nancy royally fucking up on her first border run. Apparently the reasons she got stopped at the border are because she peed in a cup, went through just as the new, non-numbed-by-boredom border patrol guys came on shift, and also, Guillermo helpfully reminded us, wore that "technicolor, check-my-shit-out slut-suit in the middle of the afternoon on Tuesday." Guillermo wants to know why she was calling attention to herself and advises her to get some J. Crew and blend in. Other advice: use beta blockers, don't flash a lot of cash, don't cross the border with only the mierda she bought at the crossing, have details (more than just "I wanted to buy some face cream") at hand for bullshitting. Guillermo tells her she's been thinking "East/West" her whole life, she needs to start thinking "North/South." Nancy wants to make another run, because she's not going to learn more just sitting in a warehouse, and Guillermo is just like, "Okay!" What a Coach Taylor, passing on the skills to the next generation!

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