Instead of getting the fuck on up out of this conversation, Andy expresses compassion for the racism, and Mahmud responds with a proposal: Kill Hooman Jaka. He can't just break them up, Mahmud already tried that with somebody hotter than Andy. (Andy also finds this difficult to envision, but thinks maybe it's about weird cultural norms rather than the nonsense concept of somebody hotter than himself.) And that's the deal. I mean, I know it would be hard for, say, me to get ahold of a fake passport, but I assumed that's because I have good taste in friends. The Botwins: That's not the case. So it's realistic that it's difficult, but surprising because this show is not realistic ever.
Nancy's staking out Fake Ellis's motel room when Andy calls her, and this is the amazing conversation: "Do we need more money?" she asks, and Andy responds, "No, we need Shane." I love that, so much. He explains about poor sweet Hooman, and Nancy thinks aloud, "Well, he is kind of a douche..." There's almost panic in Andy's voice this time, as he explains that he can't kill anybody, like she's going to ask him and he is going to have to say no, and finally she sighs and agrees that they can't kill anybody. She tells him to get creative and he whines that he's always creative and she's always something -- "fucked by Zack Morris" probably is what he was going to say -- but she has to hang up because Fake Ellis just left his Gen X nest.
"You hos are always leaving stuff behind! Now find your bag of dildos and make sure you lock the door on the way out!" I just wanted to reproduce that sentence. Important thing is, the cleaning lady just let Nancy into Ellis's room. (Passports, those take five episodes. Getting into a motel room: Disturbingly easy.) First the DVDs of every interview, labeled with ex-friends and ex-family; then clippings going back past the tunnel, then a beautiful 8x10 of Silas and one of Andy, and then she just starts putting everything in a pile on the floor, wigging out.
When Klosterman comes back a second later, apologizing for his poor undercover skills, Nancy maces him immediately. Turns out he's a journalist with the San Diego County Tribune. Name of Vaughn Coleman -- "People always assume I'm black" -- and finally explains what he's been up to. "I'm writing your story," he says. It's the only thing that saves him.