Weeds

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Like a Wire Inside
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The opening screen is a Mac on which somebody is looking at the Wikipedia page for the show. The only basic difference is a comparison between the show's title and the concept of "widow's weeds," and when you click the logo a reggae version of the "Little Boxes" song plays. Then Nancy's packing her shit and smiling angrily, forcing the issue of the mysterious woman, the "stiletto-heeled Mexicunt" who just called off their wedding by apparently screeching in Spanish.

Esteban names her, Pilar Zuazo, and says that she's a "very important woman" in his life, who has just pointed out that by marrying a foreigner he's jeopardizing his political career. Nancy assures him his career is safe, but he begs her to trust him: after the gubernatorial election, they can get married and be a family.

"We're gonna be in the beautiful hills of Beverly, with a pool and a spice garden -- the whole schmear!" -- Guy Woodhouse

So apparently Pilar's not what jealous Nancy was thinking at all. He apologizes for not thinking it through, blaming his impetuous and all-consuming love for Nancy, who asks why on earth he should take orders from anybody. Esteban explains that Pilar is a woman with influence, who makes sure his ambitions are supported, and Nancy says that makes Pilar his boss. He smiles that tiger smile that says she's treading dangerous ground, and says that nobody's his boss. She asks, as he nuzzles her shoulder and begs her to stay, if they've ever hooked up, and he laughs that she has "teeth down there," and never wanted to find out for himself. That just makes me even more bummed out she left in such a rush!

Shane helps Nancy look up Zuazo's résumé online the way he helped Nancy put together her own, once, and declares Pilar hot. "They're fake," Nancy spits, and asks him to "try Wiki." Pilar is the daughter of a late industrialist Raul Zuazo ("silver spoon oppressor," Shane offers, beefing up the evil of her résumé), the heiress to a vast telecommunications empire ("media manipulator"), on the board of the Mexican Stock Exchange ("inside trader"), and a philanthropist ("tax evader," he decides, after a moment).

Nancy's stuck, having nothing to actually go on and certainly no legal issues to consider, and Shane points out that the woman owns Mexico and thus can certainly handle clearing up any drug queenpinning allegations on her Wikipedia page. "We need to get the fuck out of here right now," he says. "These people bludgeon innocent golfers for sport!" Nancy doesn't really press him, but he gets her all stirred up about how once the baby is born they will all be murdered, without even being given a reason: "They'll just do it and laugh." Thug means never having to say you're sorry. There's a crashing sound in another part of the house, and Shane is like, "Here they come now."

Cesar is supervising a contingent of Esteban's men, who are moving what clearly looks like obstetric equipment into the guest house. The theme song of Rosemary's Baby starts to play as Nancy stares at him, and he explains that Esteban has decided she should have the baby here, at home. "How convenient," she says, shitting it, and Cesar's like, "You'll have everything you need." What about a flatscreen? Premium cable so she can watch Showtime? Not even a little fridge? Cesar says he's not providing that shit, and she gets a little brave, so he knows she's edged up another level in the game: "Who should I ask, Esteban? Pilar?"

Cesar tells her to hit Best Buy, and she says she'll take Shane: "I'll do that. Pop over there right now, and review my options." Which is fine, Cesar says, except the damndest thing, her taillight's broken and her car's in the shop.

"They're very clever people. They planned everything right from the beginning. They probably made some sort of deal..." -- Rosemary Woodhouse

Meanwhile, speaking of cults, Raylene is shaking her car keys in the faces of all the women surrounding Celia at the You're Pretty makeup-selling seminar. "When I'm not tooling around in my cherry-red You're Pretty convertible, I'm cruising in my Maserati!" She goes on to talk about her Tahoe chalet -- "SKI IN, SKI OUT!" -- and private ski instructor, who looks like professional cougar bait Ashton Kutcher. "Hands up who wants to be me?"

Celia murmurs that she no longer wants to be as blonde as Raylene, but she does love Tahoe. True to her calling, Raylene doesn't let Celia salt her game: she jumps into the next step in the speech with Celia as an oblique object lesson about how some have it, but 90% of the assembled women don't. "But for those who do... Being me is fantastic!" Celia mutters that her nipples are actually hard, and she crows, "As a matter of fact they are! MY NIPPLES ARE HARD, AND MY LADY IS WET!" Just like Nana used to say. Of course, sometimes my Nana takes her wig off when she's drunk, but I appreciate the self-esteem on display here.

1 2 3 4 5 6Next

Weeds

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP