Nancy has just told Esteban -- the Mayor of Tijuana and a boss in the Mexican drug trade -- that she's carrying his son, so he won't have her murdered for shutting down the border tunnel. Esteban takes out everybody who knows beyond two goons in a way that's hilarious, offers good drama for Mary Louise, and involves a hilarious and very subtle American Idol in-joke. Then he takes her to a Mexican doctor, where she experiences life as an object, and he makes it quite clear this is only a temporary reprieve from her death. This is only slightly more awkward than her sleepy revelation of the pregnancy to brother-in-law Andy, in the middle of his declaration of eternal love; he spends the rest of the episode in a whiny funk.
We check in with the rest of the characters through a round-robin series of calls from Rudolfo the Hot Mexican Revolutionary, who is attempting to ransom Celia after he and her daughter Quinn kidnapped her last year. Needless to say, the entire cast is heartless about her plight and hangs up on him in a variety of rude and hilarious ways. But also needless to say, she starts playing mind games on Rudolfo and Quinn immediately, eventually getting Quinn out of the tent and working the supportive revolutionary angle with Rudolfo. I wish she could stay in that tent forever, but we know he's got Southland to deal with.
Finally legal Silas pulls together a plan to grow pot in the Mexican forest, resentfully getting Doug on board. Recipe for success. Meanwhile, due to the increasing danger and general stress of having people up in her business all the time, Nancy sends drug-dealing younger son Shane to stay with her bitchface sister Jill (the highly anticipated and always wonderful Jennifer Jason Leigh) in the Oakland Hills. Andy is only too happy to accompany him, because he's still grumpy about the baby. Finally alone, Nancy gets a few minutes of sunlight and happiness when an open-air flashmob dance party erupts around her, but the lurking resentment of Cesar reminds her she's got about twenty-five weeks to live.
The good: the dialogue, sharp and acidic (and occasionally sophomoric) as ever. The bad: not much, beyond recycling Sanjay's already-stale cocksucker punchlines. It's nice to see Nancy find out what those girls felt like all the months they were coming through the tunnels before she found time to have drug-induced guilt about it, and even nicer to see her admit that she loves Andy right back, just not in that way. I love the shocked lemon-sucking face Nancy summons up every single time someone finally calls her an asshole; after all, she's only had four seasons of entitlement to prepare her for it. And of course, the suburban-mom timeliness of way cool things like flashmobs is quaint and adorable -- we're looking forward to jokes about Twitter and Lindsay Lohan in Season Six -- although luckily it's brilliantly used, and returns us to Weeds at its best: bitter and bright, in equally huge amounts.
Previously, Nancy Botwin was installed in a maternity store that housed a tunnel from Mexico after a man named Guillermo burned her city down to keep her safe and nudged her into drug trafficking. This led to a meeting with the Mayor of the TJ and major drug boss guy Esteban Gonzales, who fell in love with her. They both made bad decisions, including an ayahuasca trip in which Nancy realized that drugs and guns weren't the only thing she was trafficking: also young girls.
Flipping out, she flipped on him and went to the DEA, where a man named Till was going crazy because Esteban's men killed his lover. Guillermo went to jail, and Nancy was discovered to be the rat. Esteban summoned her to Tijuana for judgment, on her elder son's birthday, and she played her last ace: her third son, Esteban's first.
Esteban stares at the ultrasound while his right-hand man Cesar yells that it's just Nancy stalling. She stares at her lap while Cesar bitches that she absolutely must die, and Esteban explains that things have changed. Cesar pulls out a gun and shoots the other two flunkies in the room, to keep the secret safe, and Nancy hits the deck. The only other person who knows is Sucio, but he won't talk. Esteban tells Cesar to send some flowers to the men's families, and Nancy sort of clears her throat. He offers to have Cesar take her home, and she stalls, saying she's got her car -- Cesar should have time to process the "sudden death of two work friends." Cesar protests, and she stares up at impassive Esteban.
Finally, Nancy shakes her head and asks them to just kill her, not to do the "let's go on a drive" thing. She swallows the end of her sentence, but Esteban tells her again to go home, she has enough backbone left to cough, "Alone?" Yeah. He says he'll be in touch, and she grabs her purse, standing. She does an awkward pee-dance pirouette with the bodies, and they tell her to use the other door. "Talk to you soon," she says with a terrified smile, and he nods. "Oh, yes." Cesar is, as usual, unimpressed.
Dean and Isabelle Hodes are being adorable, playing gin rummy, when his phone rings. "Mr. Dean Hodes?" It's Rudolfo, getting all revolutionary down in Mexico, where he and Dean's absolutely broken daughter Quinn have drugged and kidnapped her mother, Celia. Quinn slaps at the mosquitoes and tries to paint her toenails. "I have your wife! You send me money!" Rudolfo wants to finance la revoluciÃ³n, Quinn just wants money and to fuck with Celia for packing her off to Casa Reforma, which is where she met Rudolfo -- then a mild-mannered Poli Sci teacher -- in the first place. Dean shrugs. "Yeah, she's no longer my wife?" Rudolfo spits, "Then I will kill her! She dies!" Dean tells him he's broke, so whatever. "I will kill her! I slit her neck! I smash her head!"