Good morning, Nancy! Good morning, Naked Andy Botwin's Ass! A little early for that, I think, as he blows right past Nancy and into the bathroom. As much as yelling at her brother-in-law lights up Nancy's life, though, she's distracted by something gross. That something is Doug, who is lying on a couch in his boxers peacefully farting. It's like a symphony. "You need to move out of my house," she says, and without opening his eyes Doug notes that she sounds kind of mad. "What time is it?" "Time for you to get the fuckoutofmyhouse!" she screams, and he offers to fuck the mad right out of her. He also calls his penis "Jeremy Piven." That's so crazy because I call mine "John Cusack" and it's jealous of Doug's penis's fame. Nancy thinks about how she lives in a frat house. And yeah, Doug's recent homoerotic obsession with gay sex would seem to suggest she's correct.
And there's half-naked Silas oiling himself at the kitchen table, bitching about Shane masturbating in their bunkbed. I rest my case. Nancy wonders aloud about the estate sale, and why people buy old dishes. Andy notes that people collect everything, from old dishes to classic GYN instruments. He's drinking a mug of scrambled eggs at this time; Nancy is switching back and forth between her coffee and a Diet Coke. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now, so I'm not sure I get why that's funny. Shane asks why Nancy's googling the Mayor of Tijuana. Whether you live in a frat house or not, and it's very important to me that you think about this: do not look at the search history on a computer. Ever. I'm so serious about this that I don't even look at the search history of my computer. I just don't want to know.
Nancy's like, "What?" and explains that it's important to know our neighbors to the south, then asks for Davenport, because obviously since he's Mexican he knows how to drywall, and she wants another bathroom. Silas is relieved because of the constant masturbation, and Shane predictably freaks out and starts wildly claiming to be scratching fleabites all night. Andy tells him shame has no place in their frat house of doom, and hilarious masturbation is a family trait. True enough. Nancy tells them all to shut it and stop embarrassing Shane, whom she addresses: "And, Freshman? Find another place to scratch your fleas." She's a good mom, I think, much of the time. It's just overshadowed by the horrific choices she's constantly making.
Andy sings another round of "Little Boxes" in complaint about the discreet charm of the bourgeoisie when Doug says they should just tear the whole place down, and Nancy complains that it's not bourgeois to want her own fucking bathroom. Doug tells her to calm down and stop shouting, because at least they got Celia out, but Nancy's more concerned about boys, Doug in particular and boys in general, because boys are disgusting and she doesn't want to share a bathroom with them anymore. It's so rare that she shows any kind of desperation at all that everybody is chastened. Shane offers to do the work for free, and says he doesn't ask questions. "You're hired!" she shouts, and Andy asks if she has the cash for it. Nancy gets a bad idea.