Weeds

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You Can't Miss The Bear

On the soccer bench, Shane's busy being weird and having a giant fruit punch stain on his mouth. One of the other kids rags on him, calling him "lipstick" and then "vampire." Shane evenly asks which one is it, lipstick or vampire. The bratty towhead offers a new one: "orphan boy." OOOH! Shane throws a full can of soda at this kid, and when he goes to chase him, Nancy totally sticks her leg out and trips him. Because she is awesome. Shane keeps running, though, and hides under the bleachers where Silas and Quinn are lazily plotting out where and how they're going to be able to Do It, especially under Celia's watchful eye. Quinn says her mom is so controlling, she bought one of those nanny-can teddy bears to monitor Isabelle's eating. Shane is freaked because he merely grazed the towhead, to which Silas starts goofing that, "You can't miss the bear!" Which is a reference to that bear-hunting show they were watching before. They geek out about the show for a bit, and Quinn thinks they're both dorks.

Doug Wilson, meanwhile, is in his minivan, partaking of his herb. Nancy finds him and calls him an idiot for smoking out in the open where people like Celia could see him. "You're on the goddamn City Council," she lectures. Doug thinks Celia is a total bitch and says her husband is banging his tennis pro. "She love him long time," he says, which earns a well-deserved groan from yours truly. Nancy makes up for it by saying the girl's from Anaheim, not Bankok. "She can't shoot tennis balls out of her twat." No, says Doug, but she did shove a tennis reacket handle up Dean's asshole last week. Set and match! We learn that Doug (and Dean too, I assume) was friends with Judah, and then Nancy gets paid. Back at her van, Josh makes the mistake of approaching her with some snarky remark or another, and for his trouble he gets grabbed by his collar and read the riot act for selling to kids. He's not at all apologetic about it ("they all want it and they cry if you say no") and says he'll sell to whoever he wants. At which point Nancy grabs him by his face and shoves him into the side of her Range Rover. A real inelegant kind of shove, I loved it. Josh is a little shaken but recovers in time to point out that she can't exactly rat him out to his dad (getting baked in the van, as Nancy just saw), and he insincerely promises never to sell to Shane. "You're just a kid," Nancy realizes. "And you're a hypocrite," says Josh, as he decries the pot-dealing mom preaching to keep kids off drugs. No more than the beer vendor opposing underage drinking, I could argue, but the kid has a point. He slinks off as Shane, Silas, and Quinn approach. Inside the car, Quinn leans over to Nancy and asks if she and Silas can have sex in Nancy's house.

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