What The…?, Part II

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
Andrew's Own Medicine Tastes Terrible

Previously on Quitters Never Win, And Winners Never Get Imprints Of Jeff Probst's Boots On Their Sternums: Morgan and Drake were thrown for a loop when the six bootees -- Nicole, Ryan S., Lill, Burton, Michelle, and Trish -- were given the opportunity to compete for a shot at sending a couple of their number back into the thick of things, where they could awaken like Bobby Ewing from the terrible dream of their elimination and reappear in the steamy shower of the endgame. Unsurprisingly, their competitive endeavors were successful, and both Morgan and Drake were sent to tribal council to boot a member who would later be replaced by one of the "Outcasts." Drake passed up the tempting opportunity to give relief to their ears, eyes, and noses by getting rid of Jon. They sent the burly but unpredictable Shawn home instead. Morgan, on the other hand, was saved from its angst by Osten's decision to throw in the towel. At the Morgan tribal council, Osten was...well, he was sent home in disgrace. There's really no other way to say it. A disgusted Jeff expressed the hope that better things might be in the offing for Morgan. Both existing tribes went back to their respective camps knowing they'd soon be joined by someone they'd already gotten rid of once. Heh. Snack on that, suckers. Generally speaking, Andrew, Rupert, Christa, and Sandra all acted like arrogant seventh-grade creeps, while Jon continued waving the flag for dinks of all kinds like some kind of goodwill ambassador for the deeply odious. Tonight, the Outcasts will vote two of their own back into the game, Morgan will continue not eating, and Jon will undoubtedly do that thing with his fingers again.

Credits. Wow, you know, Andrew and Ryan-O both used to be a lot cuter before their bodies started devouring their lean muscle mass. It just goes to show that when shopping for boyfriends, you might skip the ones who are prone to hunger strikes.

Commercials. I would rather paint my toenails with battery acid than watch an entire movie in which Mike Myers plays the Cat in the Hat. I would pass my Yearly Allowance of Childlike Whimsy in about four seconds and then spend the rest of the time clawing at the exit door. No, thanks.

Tonight, we open with the Outcasts making their Outcasty way to the tribal council area to make the fateful decision about which two of them will be voted back into the game to seek revenge and, much more important, get a few more whiffs of fame before shuttling off stage right. They settle into their seats for Jeff's Fireside Chat with, as he points out, bigger smiles than have perhaps ever been seen at tribal council. Ryan S. even makes the little devil horns, he's so excited. (Tribal council! Woooooo! Rock on!) Jeff congratulates them on their not-at-all-engineered- no-sirree victory in the challenge, and reiterates that two of them are about to be sent back into the game. He asks Michelle how she felt when she first heard about the possible reanimation of the dead, Survivor-wise. "I almost wet my pants," she says, with all the grace and class of...well, of a girl wetting her pants, pretty much. She reiterates that all that any of the Outcasts had in their minds was revenge, and they got it, so everyone's feeling much better now.

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