Survivor
Who's Zooming Whom?

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Blood: It Does a Body Good

Last week on Survivor, sixteen strangers were abandoned, and "desperation set in." Lex proposed a new new motto for the show: "Outdrink, Outpuke and Outcrap," and Jessie enthusiastically complied. Clarence opened a can of beans, and Big Bird went toodleoo!

We open this week's show with night-vision shots of an elephant and a cheetah. That cheetah gets around, or else it's the same cheetah shot we saw last week. There's a skull at one of the camps; it looks like it's wearing a hoodie from Old Navy. Clarence says that "going to Tribal Council is like going to hell for forty-five minutes": it's hot and uncomfortable, and "nothing good is going to happen while you're there." He tells us that hearing his name read was terrible. In a confessional, Lex informs us that Boran had unanimously decided to vote off Diane, but they also thought Clarence should get at least one vote to teach him a lesson, because "he needs to shape up." We next see Clarence trying to explain to Jessie that Diane used him as a scapegoat. Jessie tells Clarence that he shouldn't have opened the can of beans in the first place, and Clarence blames himself for "being too nice." In a confessional, Jessie tells us that Clarence was shaking with nerves during their discussion, and that he badly wanted her approval. Jessie then gives Clarence her lack of approval by insisting that he made a bad call. Clarence tries to say he doesn't care about the game; Jessie won't let him off the hook on that one either, so Clarence walks away. Lex tells us that the tribe was presented with a bad situation, but that it's turned into a good thing because now "everybody knows what Clarence is about. He can't hide it anymore." Clarence, it turns out, is about beans.

A giraffe flops its ears, bringing us to Samburu Day 4. The tribe wakes up complaining that everything aches. Kimp (a.k.a. Kim P.) tells us that it's colder than she anticipated; she shivered all night long. Carl says he'll never complain about a lumpy motel bed again. It's sad if Carl previously spent enough time in lumpy motel beds to merit repeated complaints about them. Lindsey says that no one in the tribe got a good night's sleep. I'm glad we needed three people to tell us exactly the same thing. Kimp says it's very hot during the day, and that they need to finish their shelter so that they have some shade. We see Frank give Lindsey what looks like a reasonable demand; she says "okay" to his face, and then under her breath snarks, "Yes, Captain." In a confessional, she tells us that Frank is "an interesting character, but really for the military" because he wants things done his own way. I thought military people pretty much got used to doing things the military's way, but I'm not getting into that debate. We see Kimp and Lindsey giggle over Frank. They then play MASH and trade beaded friendship pins for their shoelaces. Carl tells us in a confessional that he and Frank have been working "[their] buns off," and that they're the only ones thinking a step ahead. We see a shot of Brandon asking to be told what to do. Of course, when someone does tell him what to do, he'll bitch about it and then resume playing with his cootie catcher to determine the name of his future husband. ["Lay off my Brandon, dude." -- Wing Chun] Frank says that the youth don't do any work, and that Linda and Teresa don't need to be asked to do stuff. Brandon then tells us that the tribe is divided by age. As we see the group resting together, Frank tells us in a confessional that he'd like to see the tribal differences overcome, but if that doesn't happen, "There's one or two individuals [he] could get rid of right now that are probably more in the way than they are any good." Frank channels Rudy every now and then, but he's not nearly so appealing. Or maybe he's not appealing at all -- I haven't yet made up my mind. Give him twenty years, and he'll be in my demographic. Frank and Carl fetch the mail, and Frank grumps, "There's a necklace in here" like it's a used tampon. The clue advises them, among other things, to "go to the top for prizes." Carl helps Frank read the word "sublime." The clue is also about taking "one step at a time" and "work[ing] together as one." How many clichés can you fit in four lines?

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