Wolf Lake
Excitable Boy

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Excitable Boy

Sophia sits alone on her balcony, tapping away at her G4 laptop for faster, better, and more stylish computing -- you won't even notice your complete lack of social life! Oh, but I'd give it all up, too, for a G4; it's evident that Apple needs to sponsor my recaps. Donner catches her and wonders why she's still awake at 2 AM. Sophia exposits that it's the fourth night in a row she's tossed and turned without ever being able to fall asleep. "I want to jump out of my skin," she complains. Donner suggests that she visit a doctor, but Sophia moans that Dr. ItDoesn'tMatter always treats her like a child. "I'm not a kid anymore. When is he gonna realize that?" she gripes good-naturedly. "I'm a disturbed teenager." Donner isn't listening, because he doesn't care unless she has a plan for knocking Jed Bartlet out of office. "It came!" he crows, waving a letter in the air. "The one that I've been waiting...the one that you've been waiting for!" Sophia is too nervous to open the letter from the University of Florence, so Donner does the honors and scans the contents while a queasy Sophia watches anxiously. "We got in!" he shouts. All that sex, followed by sixteen years of pretending to care, finally paid off! He can ship his kid off to Italy! It works all the time on other shows. The kids never come back. Sophia is delighted with her success, throwing her arms around Donner's shoulders. He's elated, but she looks a bit awkward about the whole thing, hug included. He reaffirms his pride in her achievement, and she toddles off to read about Florence while Donner takes a phone call.

The Hospital of Our Lady of the Divine Grocery-Store Basement. The doctor tells Lou that Miranda's got multiple contusions and teeth marks on her arm and shoulder, with lacerations on her back. But he won't admit she was raped, dismissing her as a messed-up druggie who's constantly in and out of the hospital for reasons real and imagined. She blew a 0.24 -- and then took a breathalyzer. "Rape is a relative term," Dr. Asshole assholes. "Not to me," scowls Lou, defender of the Ruby sex.

Miranda grapples with a nurse who's preventing her from smoking. Lou appears when the nurse leaves, watching as Miranda successfully sparks up a cigarette. "Are you gonna lecture me, too?" she says jumpily. "Tell me you're hipper than that." Lou asks how she feels. "Like I just won the lottery," she sasses, but at about two thousand words per second. She's shaking and quivering and spitting out lines like they're career poison. Which, of course, they are. She fends off all of Lou's attempts at concern, then balks when the nurse returns to photograph her wounds. "We take photos of all our assault victims," the nurse says dully. Miranda refuses to fall into that category, grabbing her stuff and bolting, but not before grabbing whatever medications she can snag from the M.D.

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Wolf Lake

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