Jaye stares at the wax lion as her mother tells her through the door that they don't want to put her down; they just want to understand what happened.
View-Master to therapist's office. Sound of ticking clock. Dr. Ron asks Jaye to tell him about her family. Jaye says she doesn't like to gossip. Dr. Ron asks if her family life is stressful. Stee takes this moment to point out to me that Dr. Ron looks like a weird grown-up Webster with a pasted-on goatee and wet, curly hair. (In case you're one of those girls who needs to know what Stee is thinking at all times. Trust me, there are those girls.) As Jaye and Dr. Ron talk about Jaye's mother, the monkey statue on the table comes to life, and browses the book in its lap. Jaye gets a little weirded out, and says she's confused. Dr. Ron says that's perfectly normal. The monkey echoes that sentiment. Jaye puts her purse in front of the monkey, and then smiles a bit. Dr. Ron asks Jaye to elaborate on the animosity she has with her sister. "She hates me," Jaye explains. Dr. Ron asks how that makes her feel. Jaye: "One less person to worry about?" Dr. Ron asks Jaye when was the last time she told her sister that Jaye loves her. Jaye says she doesn't know how Dr. Ron was raised, but that they don't do things like that in her family. The monkey peers out from behind the purse and says, "I love you." In what other universe would I have gotten to type those thirteen words in that order?
View-Master to a bar called The Barrel. The cute UPS guy sits alone at a table. We follow the waitress to the bar, where Dr. Ron's monkey sits. Jaye has a friend, who asks her why she stole the monkey. "It told me to," Jaye pouts. The friend asks if the monkey is going to tell the friend to steal something. Jaye says she'd be so happy if it did. Jaye takes another shot and says she ran into Gretchen today: "Her hair looked like carpet." They gossip about high-school stories, like the time Gretchen apparently wiped her ass with some poor girl's gym towel. Jaye brags to her friend that she fainted today, and that they think it's stress. The friend says that Jaye doesn't have any stress. Jaye shouts that she has lots of stress because she works retail. She says that the mouth-breather is now her boss. Jaye says that the look on her mom's face when she found out looked like she had just wiped her face with the aforementioned ass towel. Jaye says she enjoyed telling her mom. The friend says that Jaye would, because she's spiteful. Jaye fakes a pout to go, "Nuh-uh!" The friend goes on about how disappointing her family is an extreme sport for Jaye. Jaye says that her family consists of hardworking people who are disappointed in their lives, and that she's disappointed while hardly working at all. The friend reminds Jaye that she's now working for a mouth-breather who's still in high school. Jaye smiles and says she so wants to walk out on the friend right now, but that if she stands up, she'll fall. The friend says she has to go back to work anyway. She stands up and tells the cute bartender that she needs those kamikazes. He says he just gave them to her. Friend: "Yeah. We drank those. Need four more." She turns to Jaye and explains: "He's new." Jaye watches the new bartender make drinks as a cell phone goes off. "Your ass is ringing," she tells him. We ass cam to the cell phone in the bartender's back pocket. It says "107 messages." He hands the friend the kamikazes and says his ass rings a lot. We can see the cute UPS guy pouting in the background as Jaye asks the bartender if he's ever thought of setting his phone on vibrate. He says he's not secure enough with his manhood to do that. He hands Jaye a free shot. She asks him why he has an ass if he doesn't answer it. He says he used to answer it, but he hasn't since he got married six days ago: "Her name's Heidi. She's obsessed with bed linens."