Wonderland
Pilot

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Still Crazy After Just One Hour

Bobby and Neil pass through a series of jail gates. Morning rounds. Neil greets stuttering Bernard and moves on to interview a patient whose name sounds like "Mr. Diavex" (a.k.a. Wife-Beater), while Bobby demonstrates his compassion for his patients by bantering with Bernard about what key he's in today -- Bernard chooses C Sharp and B Natural, of course. Patient Mr. Minardi pops by, proving that three is, in fact, a crowd; Wife-Beater becomes distraught because he can't find his monkey; Bernard whines about how Wife-Beater wouldn't shut up about said monkey all damn night, and suddenly, it's Group all over again as everyone starts to talk at once. Neil fondles his chin while Bobby tries to reinstate calm by reminding everyone that they, too, would be upset if it was their monkey that disappeared.

In the next superfluous scene, Lyla checks in with Elizabeth, an older woman who looks (and sounds) like Carol Kane on a rough day. Elizabeth left her shelter and asks Lyla to help her find a new residence. Lyla says sure, Elizabeth tells Lyla her eyes look very sparkly, and then they ascertain that they're both working pretty good love today. A nurse comes in, mumbles some hospital jargon and Lyla, as though receiving a command from the mother ship, says she'll be right there.

Abe greets Mr. Butowski (the pissed-off lunky guy), and asks if it's cool if they have a little chat. Thankfully, Abe refrains from grilling Mr. B about sex after marriage, instead assuring him that the hospital doesn't want to hold him against his wishes. Abe just needs to ask a few questions, and then they "can take it from there." Ever the sly literalist, Mr. B asks, "Take what from where?" which sends Abe scurrying to explain his colloquialism. During this exciting grammatical deconstruction, a nearby patient starts making noise, sending Mr. B's anxiety level even higher (this looks like Method Man's cameo, and I swear he just said "Wu Tang") as Abe basically tells Mr. B, in very doctor-like tones, that they need to figure out if he's a fruitcake. "I'm not sick," says Mr. B as Method Man starts dropping some science, refers to a strategically-placed older woman as "my DJ," and provides the perfect background noise to send Mr. B through the roof. Teeth clenched, veins bulging, Mr. B tells Abe to "let me out of your little world," which strikes me as a very astute assessment of Abe's internal landscape, considering how little time these two men have spent together. Abe threatens to leave Mr. B with "Puff Daddy," an ultimatum that finally convinces Mr. B that he better do what the good doctor says. "You've got fish sticks," says Puff Daddy to Mr. B. How right he is.

Neil asks Mr. LaPinta (a.k.a. the Finger Bandito, a.k.a. Head-Stomper) if he's still feeling anxious, while Bobby says his Mom stopped by and asks if he wants to go back to Riker's. El Bandito recommends checking his beloved mother for TB, which he probably should have done before eating her finger, as a nurse mentions that Mr. LaPinta "tried to shove his head through that thing on the wall." Another bit player kindly reminds the nurse that the "thing on the wall" is actually known as "Plexiglas." Mr. LaPinta asks for a cigarette, is informed about the hospital's no-smoking policy (while Bobby plays with his pen like it's a smoke, chuckle chuckle) and begins to babble about population control as Bobby rolls up his sleeve, removes his own nicotine patch, and slaps it right in the middle of Mr. LaPinta's forehead. Bullseye! "I don't want the patch! I want a cigarette!" screams Mr. LaPinta. Same here. Fade to commercial.

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Wonderland

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