Edge and Christian are complaining about having to face Road Dogg and K-Kwik again. Up pops...Ashton Kutcher, here to promote his movie Dude, Where's My Car? I know it's already been used on Hissyfit, but upon hearing that one, my boyfriend said it should be called Dude, Where's My Career? Anyway, Edge and Christian misunderstand and think Ashton really lost his car. Tazz comes out and offers to help Ashton find his car. I know it's dumb, but Ashton Kutcher is pretty.
Molly Holly comes out to the ring. We see that Susan Sarandon is ringside. I never thought I would see Susan Sarandon on the WWF. Molly will be taking on Trish Stratus to determine who is the number one contender for the Women's Belt. Both women pull off some decent wrestling moves once again. Trish, in particular, has learned some new moves. Test and Albert come out and stand ringside, and start arguing with the ref. Crash Holly comes out and bashes Test and Albert both with a garbage can lid. Test and Albert pound on Crash while Trish takes the lid and bashes Molly. Trish gets disqualified, and the announcers wonder who the number-one contender is now.
A limo pulls up in the parking garage. Patterson assists Vince McMahon into a motorized wheelchair. See, because he got beat up on RAW. Vince looks so funny in his wheelchair! He is cracking me up.
Crash is throwing a fit to Mick Foley and Debra, because Crash thinks that Molly should be the number-one contender. Debra proposes that Molly, Trish, and Ivory should compete in a Triple Threat match at the Pay-Per-View. Mick makes contractually obligated remarks about how sexy Debra is. Debra continues to look like a corpse to me. I don't get it. Push-up bra does not equal sexy.
William Regal and Kane are teaming up to take on Hardcore Holly and Chris Jericho. Hardcore gets the Sleeper Hold on Regal, who taps out immediately. Lawler blames the metal plate in Holly's arm for the quick tap-out. Meanwhile, Jericho and Kane continue to battle outside the ring, even though the match is over. Those two will meet up in a Last Man Standing match at the Pay-Per-View, we are reminded.
Dean and Lita are at a steakhouse on their date. Lita is a really bad actress. Dean looks like Fred Flintstone. Dean keeps staring at Lita's breasts.
Vince motors down the hallway. He has the most serious look on his face, and he's carrying a walking stick.
Vince motors down the ramp to the ring. I wonder if they set up a ramp to the ring, or how that is going to work. Patterson and Brisco accompany Vince. Oh, Vince actually gets out of the wheelchair and climbs into the ring. Damn. I wanted him to try to roll into the ring and get stuck or something and then have Brisco and Patterson fall all over each other trying to help him. But I like the slapstick. Vince starts talking about what a shame it is that those wrestlers pummeled him on Monday, and how he deserves respect from the wrestlers and the crowd. Vince blames this lack of respect on Mick Foley for "not only allowing it, but encouraging it." Foley's music hits and he walks down to the stage. I have to say, the director of the WWF programming does a good job with the camera shots -- there's a nice one with Vince in the ring in the foreground, and you can see Mick walking down the ramp in the background. I don't expect that sort of thing from the WWF. Once Mick gets into the ring, Vince calls him a "fat-ass," and threatens to beat him up. Mick chuckles and says he has vowed to never return to the ring, but if he made an exception, it would be for Vince. Foley then introduces Linda McMahon, who walks down to the ring. She babbles about nothing. Mick says an interactive sentence that displays his sway over the crowd, including an "Asshole" chant just at the right point. Mick says that Vince sees the wrestlers as commodities and investments, whereas Mick sees them as human beings, and he knows that there will be injuries. Mick vows that if anyone gets seriously injured in that Hell in the Cell match, he will resign as commissioner. NO! I don't want that to happen at all! Foley threatens Vince and leaves. Vince addresses his wife, saying that he can't believe she is supporting Mick Foley over her husband. Vince looks really old, hobbling around with that cane. Vince says he's not going to take anymore, and he's not going to give anymore. He continues, "From this moment, the hell with WWF fans. From this moment on, the hell with my family and as far as my marriage is concerned -- I want a divorce." Linda looks stunned and leaves, crying. Vince continues to throw a fit, and the announcers speculate that he's having a breakdown.