WWF Smackdown
Post-Pay-Per-View Pandemonium

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Kim: D | Grade It Now!
Post-Pay-Per-View Pandemonium

The crowd goes wild for Stone Cold Steve Austin in the ring to open the show. Austin takes the mic, as Lawler warns us to "cover the ears of the children." Perhaps the eyes as well? I mean, I enjoy the WWF as much as anyone, but if I take issue with anything about the WWF, it's the whole "We don't market to children" thing, because clearly they do. Well, that and the woman thing. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, back to Austin. He's practicing some revisionist history on his interaction with Rikishi at the Pay Per View. He claims that he was just giving Rikishi a ride in his truck, and wasn't trying to run him over at all, because Stone Cold couldn't "bear a grudge" against someone, and it was an accident that he ran into the police car. Dude, this is just like Cops, where the perpetrator makes up some ridiculous story to explain his behavior. Austin explains that the only charges that ended up being levied against him were for littering, because dumping Rikishi was like dumping garbage. Austin then thanks Mick Foley, and explains that he promised not to touch Rikishi unless provoked, and he will comply as long as he can take on Rikishi in a cage match on Monday's RAW. The announcers are stupefied. The audience supports Austin's pledge to beat Rikishi if he is provoked tonight. This whole speech would have been a lot more effective without Michael Cole yelling every two minutes, "What is going on with Stone Cold? We've never seen him like this!" Shut up, Michael Cole.

Cut to Rikishi watching the whole thing on a monitor. He says, "Oh, you wanna be provoked, huh? Right. Right." What? That was so lame. Why doesn't he just twirl his mustache before tying a damsel to the railroad tracks just in front of an oncoming train? I've seen more villainous behavior in Dudley Do Right.

Too Cool are talking to Rikishi in the locker room. Too Cool try to convince Rikishi not to provoke Austin tonight. Rikishi gets all offended that they think that he needs any kind of protection, and tells them that they wouldn't even be in the business if it weren't for him. Then Rikishi waddles off. Y'all know that Sexay only wears that bandanna on his head because otherwise he looks exactly like his father, Jerry Lawler, right? Check him out next time it falls off during a match -- they could be twins. Especially given the fact that I suspect Jerry Lawler has had a little nip and tuck. ["I agree. He's got that Liberace thing going on around the eyes now." -- Sars]

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WWF Smackdown




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