Your announcers, JR and Jerry "The King" Lawler, can't stop reminding us that something big always happens at Survivor Series. Last year, Stone Cold Steve Austin got hit by a car driven by a mysterious assailant (later revealed as Rikishi, on orders from Triple H). This year, Stone Cold will be given his opportunity for vengeance. Will something big happen again this year? Here's hoping a McMahon is involved.
The first match is Steve Blackman, Crash, and Molly Holly versus Test and Albert with Trish Stratus. The first low blow of the evening happens pretty early when Albert lifts Crash up, and Trish goes to kick Crash but ends up kicking Albert. I hate it when that happens. Test is wearing these silver track pants that make me wonder if there's something wrong with his legs, and that's why he can't wear regular trunks like other people. There's so much smoke in the arena due to the opening pyrotechnics that it looks like they're wrestling in London in the 1800s. I expect Sherlock Holmes to emerge from the back and say, "Pip pip. Cheerio." How annoying is it that someone taught Trish Stratus one move, a Bulldog, and that's the only actual wrestling move that she ever uses? Molly ends up doing a Sunset Flip on Trish, and gets the pin and the win for her team.
Backstage, Kurt Angle approaches Edge and Christian. Edge and Christian think that Kurt is going to ask them to run in and help Kurt in his match, so they fake an illness. Kurt tells them that he "owns the Undertaker" and really he just wants them to celebrate with him after the match. A couple of Canadian jokes later, Kurt leaves.
Earlier today, no one recognized Lo-Down and Tiger Ali Singh, and they couldn't get into the arena. I don't mind the "nobody recognizes Lo-Down" angle, but I could do without Tiger Ali Singh. I think that the fans either see him and think, "Who?" or see him and think, "Why?"
Road Dogg and K-Kwik rap their way down to the ring. At least Road Dogg has both of his overall straps buckled this time. Their partners, Chyna and Billy Gunn (I refuse to go along with that "The One Billy Gunn" nonsense), join them in the ring. JR explains that this is a "traditional Survivor Series match," which means that a wrestler is eliminated by being pinned, and that the match continues until one entire team is eliminated. Their opponents are the Radicalz, joined at ringside by Teri, whose "making devil horns" schtick is getting really old. Kind of like Teri herself. Chyna tries for the low blow on Perry Saturn, where she has her back to him when she kicks her leg between his, so that her leg comes nowhere near his nuts. Saturn sells it anyway. Moments later, Chyna gets pinned and thus eliminated. Lawler is still pushing the "something big" that is going to happen tonight. Billy Gunn takes out Eddie Guerrero. K-Kwik finally has his chance in the ring, and he gets off some pretty amazing moves before being suplexed by Benoit, getting pinned in the process. Perry Saturn pins Road Dogg, leaving Billy Gunn alone to battle the remaining Radicalz. Gunn pins Dean Malenko, who still looks like a confused Billy Joel to me. Gunn is looking a bit tired at this point -- he can barely get Perry Saturn's arm up over his neck. Have I mentioned that Perry Saturn has acne on the backs of his thighs? It's really disgusting. Benoit ends up pinning Gunn while Perry Saturn holds Gunn's foot so he can't kick out. The Radicalz win the match.
Lillian Garcia tries to get an interview with The Rock, but The Rock ignores her.