X Factor
X Factor

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 477 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Newark and Everywhere Else

Back from the ads, Steve wonders aloud if New Jersey can keep this up. Next, a fresh-faced, 80s-haired nursing home hairdresser named Kelly Warner sings "Hallelujah" and gets four yeses. Aaron Surgeon, 27, is all about the hair and the hat before he sings "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" and gets yeses from Paula and Nicole. Simon, unimpressed, says no, but L.A. thinks he has what it takes and gives him the third yes he needs to move on. Fast-forward montage of a few more successful auditioners, leading up to a 26-year-old RenFaire chick named Liliana Rose Andreano, who croons "You Are My Sunshine" a capella and does it quite well. Simon says she doesn't look like a pop star until she sings, Paula calls her "magical," and she's moving on, to her own amazement.

After that string of winners, we're past due for a freak. But I'm trying not to pre-judge Andy Silikovitz, a bespectacled gnome with a scraggly beard whose greatest ambitions are to be on MTV's Cribs and open for Billy Joel. He interviews that he doesn't think he's ever kissed a girl. He looks like he'd remember if he had, and he figures that if he wins, and gets all the money and the fame, the girls will follow. He's here with his elderly mom, and when he gets onstage and starts talking about himself, the fact that he's been single all his life elicits an "aww" from the audience. Simon goes down that path for a little longer than is really necessary, hinting to him that Paula is single as well. "Maybe," says Andy, because he's got some standards. He's going to sing "Hero" by Mariah Carey. Or try to, because it turns out that he's got a high, thin voice that wouldn't make it at karaoke night. Steve's squatting backstage next to Andy's even smaller mother, who's smiling proudly at the monitors like she can't hear anything at all. The judges indulge him, letting him get through the first chorus before Paula signals a stop. The audience cheers for him, fully aware that they can do so without posing any danger whatsoever of his moving forward. L.A. gives him a no while giving him props for having a good time. Nicole thanks him for coming and also says no. Paula says pretty much the same thing, and Simon concludes that it's four nos, "But I think you're going to find it much easier with the chicks after this." The audience loudly agrees, Simon calls him down to set him up with Paula, and while Paula doesn't give him her number, she does give him a big hug. "Should have done 'My Way,'" he says to her. Yes, that was the problem.

X Factor

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