Hour two, so I have to do all this again. Steve's back on the road, and tells us that the final round of auditions is from "the whole nation," whatever the hell that means. I'll just explain now: it's leftover auditions from the other cities that didn't fit into their particular hour of programming. Just say you're cleaning out the pantry, X Factor, you're not fooling anyone. The first person from "The Whole Nation" is 21-year-old Tora Woloshin, an ethnically ambiguous bottle-blonde who's also into cars, to the point where she psyches up by making vroom-vroom noises. Simon loves her at first sight: "Cute, tattoos, and wants to make racing cars." She sings "I Want You Back," and does very well, giving an energetic performance although her voice cracks here and there towards the beginning. The audience gives her a long, loud ovation, and the judges really like her too. Simon yammers about the X Factor: "It's more than just the voice, it's something else." Which is good, considering her voice wasn't exactly flawless. Four yeses for Tora, unsurprisingly. These "whole nation" auditions last a lot longer than the ones from just one city.

Coming back. Simon expands his reign of terror by driving the other judges around backstage at top speed in a golf cart. Then we meet "Jor El," a younger, Latino, less butch version of George Michael. He does "Lucky Star," entering the stage hand-first and doing all the Madonna moves he can cram in. Which he needs to do, because he can't actually sing. The audience cheers for him, because they're there to have fun, but he gets nos from Simon, Paula and Nicole, who are there to find someone who's worth five million dollars. Which is decidedly not Jor El. Now there's nothing left for him but to look forward to the day when he launches his newborn son into space moments before a planetary catastrophe.

Then a 21-year-old named John Duff who says that he wants to be a combination of Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha does the most aggressively horrible version of "When I Grow Up" ever. Darlene and Sherone, both 22, do a raunchy yet totally flat duet. Four nos for them. Ric White, a 45-year-old artistic director, sings "Land of a Thousand Dances," most of which Paula does in her chair. He gives a shout-out to Dallas from the stage, and Paula twiddles her new JBF hair and says, "It was good for me, how as it for you?" We don't find out whether Ric's making it to boot camp, but he just might make it to Paula's hotel room.