His song is kind of Usher-like, and the girls love him. Not just the ones in the audience, either; Demi and Britney continue to be totally smitten. L.A. says he likes him even more than last year and admires his persistence. Britney calls him a "true star," and Demi appreciates his confidence and his voice. "You have the X Factor," she says, like she's being paid per mention. Simon's impressed with Arin's maturity. No surprise that he gets four yeses. Alas, nobody tells him that the way he's wearing his contestant sticker on his shirt between his suspenders makes it look like he's got on lederhosen.

Up next is Natalie Martin, 16, who says that her biggest inspiration is Britney Spears herself. Despite that, Natalie can actually sing, so she goes through unanimously. Another 16-year-old, Nick Perrelli, croons "Come Fly With Me," landing himself a spot in the semifinals but probably no further. Beatrice Miller is 13, and the judges condescend to her until she shuts them up by belting out a song that earns her four yeses. L.A. marvels at the number of great people they've already found, like this isn't the 13th hour of this show we've watched in Providence.

Out comes One4Five from earlier, who piss me off even more than I thought they were going to, by being a duo. Assholes. The judges ask them to take off their sunglasses, and one of them turns out to be wearing white contacts. Then they start speed-rapping, working the floor and the judges' table and just about every other piece of real estate in there other than the actual stage. The judges love them, and they're four 4 four. Fuckers.

On to a high-speed montage of people doing well and getting more yeses. Providence seems really streaky, doesn't it?

Back outside, we get a gander at some weird outfits and some people bragging about how unique they are, but then in comes a woman in a cartoon nurse costume. This, all you special snowflake-babies, is Changyi Li. She's unemployed, and she's 52, having been in the U.S. for 12 years and sounding like she's been here 12 minutes. A guy backstage chats her up, and she rattles off the names of people she wants to be like. The usual: Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga. Right now, though, she's landing more on Mrs. Swan from Mad TV. Out onstage, the judges marvel at her age and Simon asks if she's married, and why not. "I'm picky," she manages after a while. Then she goes into "My Heart Will Go On," and if this were the K Factor or the J Factor, she'd probably be okay. She does hit most of the notes, eventually, but her actual voice is... not good. So how nice of her to treat us to some long, interminable notes just to show off her lung capacity. Simon tells her that she could replace the iceberg in a remake of Titanic. "I don't think singing is for you," Britney says diplomatically, and they politely send her on her way.