X Factor
Auditions #5

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Wade In Deep

We come back to shots of the busy crew doing their jobs backstage, including poor Wade, who's been frantically trying to track down a straw hat for Britney. At some point, after finding one and trying to give it to her backstage, she makes an oogy-face and asks him for a tiara instead. Way to stick it to the kid earning minimum wage, millionaire princess and her bloodsucking manager.

The judges return from break, hoping for someone good. Dinah Jane Hansen, who tells us she's 15 even though the captions say she's 16 (and looking thrice that age), tells us about the house she lives in with twenty people. No wonder she's aging so quickly. The judges hear a bit of her backstory and Simon politely suggests it's probably time for her to sing. She does "If I Were a Boy," and I'm beginning to doubt that is her first audition like she claimed. Or that she's really in her teens. Is everything about her a lie? She starts out good, but when she hits the register change she blows it out.

"You took that thing to places that even Beyonce didn't take it," L.A. says when she's done. Britney says she made her day, Demi says she got chills, and Simon says this is why they came to Providence and that her family is going to be proud. All twenty of them. They all say yes, of course, L.A. predicting that she's going to be one of the finalists. Well, don't jinx it, dude. Simon talks about the 22 people she has at home, and on their way out, Dinah Jane's mom says her grandparents are going to kill her for saying there are 23 people living with them. Is the population of the Hansen house growing even as we speak? Damn, people, hurry up and get back to the house while there's still room for you!

While the judges are standing around backstage, poor Wade darts up and hands Britney that tiara she "wanted." Britney puts it on Simon, who says he's going to award it to the biggest princess of the day. Meaning Britney, of course.

Outside, a 16-year-old kid from Cincinnati named Arin Ray talks himself up outside. He's back from last season, after trying out as a soloist and getting dumped into the musical slagheap that was InTENsity. Simon seems to remember him, and Britney and Demi are embarrassed at having leered at him when they find out his age. Arin catches them up on what he's been doing the last year (working on his "craft"), and prepares to sing an original song, which always causes L.A. to make that "it's your funeral" face, and this time is no exception.

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