Mario says we're heading into the final round of auditions, which could be anywhere at this point. I like to imagine that we actually have seen all the auditions in chronological order, which would mean those trucks would have had to crisscross the country several dozen times by now. Mario also mentions next week's "Four Chair Challenge," which, seriously, had better be good. For tonight, we're resuming the auditions with a guy named Neal Macomber, who looks like the bastard child of Peter Weller and James Woods, but on ecstasy. He certainly seems convinced that this is going to be his big day. Obviously his clownish version of "Everybody Talks" is a nightmare on numerous levels, performed in multiple keys at the same time while he leaps around and generally acts like somebody connected a car battery to his taint. He horrifies Demi by singing directly at her and then petting her head while she recoils into Paulina's arms. Even his kid is mortified watching this backstage. After the song -- the complete song, mind you -- Simon says he comes off like a singing slasher and invites Demi to kick off the voting. Obviously she's a no, and though Paulina says she likes him, she shoots him down as well. Neal thinks he's still in it, but Kelly and Simon make it unanimous so that even he gets the message. Judging by the reactions of his family as they watched backstage, it's going to be a long drive home.
Now we're in New Orleans, where a 12 to 13-year-old trio named Glamour does some amazing harmonies with "The Star-Spangled Banner." Kelly says they're like a "baby Destiny's Child." So Destiny's Grandchild, then? They get three yeses and go on through. Another trio called Girls United (ages 23 to 24) take a page (or at least a song) from Pitch Perfect and earn four yeses also. Then a deep-voiced 17-year-old named Zach Beeken sings a country song and sweeps the judges. A pair of hopped-up bros calling themselves Wild Thingz (23 and 30, which is humiliating) need to die, but it looks like they're this year's Emblem3 so they're through. A 69-year-old, Santa Claus-looking pastor named Denny Smith belts out "Stormy Monday Blues" and earns the three yeses needed to move on, even though he looks like he should be selling cotton candy instead.
Next is Victoria Carriger, who appears about 23 at first glance, but has eight kids, ranging from 4 to 20. So, she's 41.We see her and her brood hanging out in the holding room, all of them her responsibility because she's separated from her husband. Well, I'm sure the older ones are helping out because that's how that works. She's now looking for some stability for her family and what better way to pursue that than the music industry? Out on the stage, she sings "Because of You" in a voice that's on the line between sweet and ragged, and has some pretty decent runs in there as well. The audience gives her a standing O while her kids look on proudly from backstage. Simon tells her that he wasn't expecting her to be good at all, but she's made her point. Paulina says she felt her pain, as did Demi, who says she's rooting for her. Kelly just calls for a vote, which goes pretty well for Victoria with four yeses. And then out come all the damn kids onto the stage. I get exhausted just looking at them.