The judges march in after keeping everyone waiting on the stage, but the contestants all seem happy to see them again anyway. Or at least know they'd better pretend. L.A. and Simon greet them, and Steve informs us that only 100 of the 162 will make it through this first day. Actually he says "survive," like once they walk out of the theater they're going to be shot. Which, for all I know...

There is suddenly a scrum of other people, professional types, around the judges' table, all of whom Simon says he wants to hear from. They including vocal coaches, a stylist and a choreographer. This last person is Brian Friedman, and he's going to start putting them through their paces. Montage of them learning a Miss America-type routine to Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal", which is easier for some than for others, as Simon justifies for us why dancing is important in a singing competition. Brian Bradley, the "Stop Looking at My Moms" kid, is sitting it out, saying Jay-Z doesn't dance. Well, kid, when you're Jay-Z, you won't have to either. So now that they've wasted everyone's time and tired them out learning a dance routine, it's time for people to come out and sing a song they've prepared. They'll come out in groups of ten, and will step forward one by one. Up first is splits-monster Siameze, who's incongruously singing "More than a Feeling," which really doesn't showcase his voice too well. Quick clips of nerd-band trio The Anser, 4Shore, Tiger the wedding DJ, a string of blondes, Chris Rene's sister, sassy tween Rachel Crow (still sassy!), Simon's former crush Tora (he's not impressed with her song choice), that one Renfaire chick, Marcus Canty, the upsettingly hot Brennin Hunt, über-dork J. Mark and The Brewer Boys, none of whom seem to be impressing the judges all that much. But at least none of them are Brendan O'Hara, who forgets the words to "Halo" and is summarily dismissed back to the line. Chris Rene and Melanie Amaro do well again, and Stacy Francis holds a note about eight times longer than it needs to be and is told "Less is more." In that case, a lot more.