X Factor
Judges' Homes #2

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Not-Entirely-Sweet Sixteen

Oh, I've been dreading this Christa Collins chick. She's the 32-year-old who apparently lives every day of her life on an imaginary stage, and when we learn that she was the first child solo artist signed to Disney Records, it explains a lot. She even claims to have been the prototype for Britney and Christina. Then she retired at 16, which she now says is "the worst mistake of my life." So now she's back, at twice that age. At least she's not wearing a big dramatic hat as she sings for Nicole and Enrique, but the giant red button with the feather on it stuck to her head makes up for it. As she sings, she slowly advances on Nicole and Enrique, tipping over the mic stand as she goes. Then she gives a big emotional speech about this being her big second chance. Enrique liked her, but Nicole would have liked to see some actual emotion in the performance. And people in Hell want ice water. Christa's about as authentic as a three-dollar bill made of Legos.

Back to Villa Abdul, where the second Frankengroup is about to hurl itself on the rocks of futility. This would be "Intensity," the shambling monstrosity created when ten random losers were crammed into one sprawling group, ranging in age from 13 to 17. Well, points for bucking the trend and not calling themselves "In10sity," I guess. As night begins to fall in Santa Barbara, they also do a mashup, of "That's Not My Name" and "You Make My Dreams," I guess because Paula hates kids. The acquit themselves surprisingly well, considering they only sang together for the first time a couple of days ago. Then they all run up to Paula and beg for hugs. Pharrell says they were like a cookie with "star morsels." Is that another crack at Emily from "Ausem?" Hasn't that poor girl suffered enough rejection already?

Chris Rene is up at L.A.'s house, and we flash back to his first audition, where he announced that he'd been out of rehab for 70 days, and got through by singing his original song "Young Homie" and promising the judges that he'd stay off the drugs. There's a totally staged clip of him carrying trash out of a pickup truck and dumping it in a dumpster marked "GARBAGE" at the dump, and some rather more believable clips of him with his toddler son. Finally he gets to sing "Everyday People" by Arrested Development for L.A. and Rihanna. I'd rate L.A.'s appreciative head-waggling for this one at about a seven. After he leaves the deck, L.A. tells Rihanna that Chris is "one of the special ones," but he suspects that she intimidated him a bit. Rihanna blames L.A. as if Chris isn't totally used to singing to him by now.

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