X Factor
Live Results #1

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Pulling Rank

Khloe and Mario are coming to us from the audience, surrounded by stiff-necked fans as they tell us that someone will be leaving tonight for good. Plus they'll be revealing the rankings of everyone tonight for the first time ever! But I think we're all really here to see the live performances from One Direction. And when I say "I," I mean "Mario and Khloe."

So after the credits, we go right into a song by One Direction, who perform "Live While We're Young" while the audience screams Beatlemania-style. Yes, they're very popular. Yes, The X Factor, you're very relevant. I'm just glad I can recognize these guys from that Pepsi commercial. At the end, there are so many giant red and white balloons released that I fear the auditorium is about to be in a high-speed collision. After their song, Mario and Khloe usher them down to the main level of the stage from their half-dominoed stack of fake London phone booths, where Mario exposits that they owe their very existence to our own Simon Cowell but are considering adding a sixth member. They name-drop Drew Brees, who I also know from that Pepsi commercial. And then they get him on a live video link where he pretends to have been left behind by the band in Alaska and gives a shout-out to 1DB. Seriously, does Khloe Kardashian-Odom not already provide enough awkwardness for several shows?

Oh, and look, here's the Drew Brees/One Direction Pepsi ad. What a coincidence.

Coming back, Mario draws the attention of those who care to Lea Michele in the audience. Yep, there she is. So now let's get on with the much more vital business of flashing back to last night. As we did then, we're starting with Arin Ray, who sang and then got good feedback from the judges and still doesn't want to go home like he did at this time last year. After Paige's performance, Simon told Demi backstage to figure her out already, only to be told, "You're just jealous." Vino Alan got some encouragement from L.A. after Demi told him he doesn't look like a pop star, as well as a hug from his son Sky backstage. Drew from Emblem3 had an awkward moment with his mom, and Beatrice Miller and her Union Jacked-up coat were just happy she didn't mess up. Jennel insisted that she loves her new look despite Simon's criticism, and Tate got to be with his family backstage, which explains why we never got to see him cry last night. Lyric 145 accepted congratulations from L.A. even though he hated their performance, and Diamond made even a guy from Emblem3 say, "She just made us look like a bunch of chumps." CeCe told Jennel backstage that she needed to redeem herself after last week before going out and failing to do so, although Demi assured her afterward that Simon's criticism was "just PMS." Carly was of course bucked up by the judges' comments, and Jason said he was just being himself, which is why it stung when Simon criticized his style. And Fifth Harmony (as they're known for now) are just happy to have improved since last week.

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