Double elimination tonight and a "world exclusive performance from Taylor Swift!" Really? Taylor Swift isn't performing anywhere else in the world, ever? Ever ever ever? Oh my God, look what she's done to me already!
After the credits, Mario and Khloe come out and I'm devastated to have to tell you that somebody obviously mugged Khloe and put pants on her. They remind us of the upcoming double eliminations, say hi to the mentors (already cozy at the judges' table), promise to reveal the full rankings again this week and flog the upcoming Taylor Swift performance. But first we get the recap from last night with the songs, the judges' comments and a few backstage moments as usual. Tate Stevens was all about his wife, Diamond White was pretty happy with how things went, Beatrice Miller had a minor emotional crash after Simon's comments, Lyric Da Queen said she trusts Simon and Arin endured attempts by his mom and sort-of girlfriend in Fifth Harmony to buck him up after getting thumped by the judges. Paige said she channeled her late mother, Fifth Harmony had a happy, L.A. told Carly she was too good, Vino felt good about his performance aside from boring Demi and Emblem3 said, "We literally pulled off diva week pretty legit." And CeCe also took a beating from the judges and cried to Tate, who held her hand and kissed her on the forehead while she tried to work up some tears.
The top twelve come out onstage and Mario announces that the first act will be leaving right now. Of course "right now" means after thirty seconds of pausing, after which Mario says the person going home is... "Going to be revealed right after the break." Nice one, D-crest.
The break's over, so we find out right now, right? Right? Nope, there's some more pausing and then Mario announces that it's over for... Lyric 145. Okay, I hate what Simon's done to them, but I wasn't expecting that. Khloe goes over and says they'll be sad to see them go, as if anyone cares. Lyric says they're feeling good although they didn't really get a chance to show what they had. So on to the farewell montage, which begins with the initial, separate auditions of One4Five and Lyric Da Queen and then their reincarnation as a hip-hop Frankengroup. Alas, there was so much potential that led to so much stupid.
So then, after the ads, there's a whole intro-reel montage about how awesome Taylor Swift is, in case you haven't heard of her. The song is "State of Grace", which she sings dressed in her current nerd-poet aesthetic on a stage filled with glowing Wal-Mart logos. The song's not bad, but it wouldn't have been out of place on 120 Minutes in the '80s. Plus her band is working a lot harder than she is. But she's already Taylor Swift, so what does she care? Also, is it my Thursday-Thweecap-addled brain or does she resemble a blonde Erin from The Office? After she's done, Khloe and Mario come out and ask her for any advice she might have for young artists like herself. She basically says to be nice to people. And then you can go write songs about them afterwards.