X Factor
Results Show

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Who Let the Hogzz Out

And then, after the ads, we're still not done with the rando guest performances. There's a whole intro reel designed to make us Americans feel ignorant for not knowing who the hell Jessie J is, and then she comes out onstage and sings "Domino," a poppy song with a driving beat, while wearing blue bobbed wig and dressed like a Fruit-Striped version of Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element. Thanks for coming to the U.S., Jessie J, but we already have more Katy Perrys than we need. After she's done and Steve comes out to chat with her, three of the judges give her a standing ovation while L.A. sits there sipping his Pepsi. As is often the case, I'm with L.A. (and not just in liking Pepsi). Steve asks her what advice she'd give the contestants, and she spouts some bromides about working hard and being true to yourself before telling Steve she's got a matching outfit waiting for him backstage. Steve politely offers to meet up later. YouTube or it didn't happen, Steve-O. Now he declares it's time to get serious, and start revealing results -- right after the break, of course.

Steve brings out the Top 11, who enters one category at a time with their mentors with the opera music blaring. Once they're all in position, Steve reminds us that he'll announce nine names, the remaining two will perform, and the judges will decide which of those two is out. Reminding us this is in no particular order, Steve reveals the first name: Stacy Francis. She's joined by some long pauses, Astro, Melanie Amaro, more pauses, Marcus Canty, another reminder that there's no particular order, LeRoy Bell, more pausing, Rachel Crow, Josh Kracjik (making it a sweep for Nicole's Over 30s), and Drew (ditto for Simon's Girls). That's eight, and there's only one slot left in the top nine, and Paula's looking very nervous, what with her two remaining groups having been shut out thus far. It's down to Lakoda Rayne, Stereo Hogzz, and Chris Rene (who's smiling confidently as he waits for the final name). Indeed, Chris is the last person automatically through to the top ten. Which means Paula's screwed again, with both of her remaining acts in the bottom two. As the stage clears except for Steve and the losers, Paula maintains that she's still proud and wouldn't have wanted any other category. Well, sure, after next week she can take the rest of the season off.

Back from the break, the judges are back at their table, and Steve acts pained at having to ask Paula to introduce the first of her two groups for the second week in a row. Paula says she's proud of "these four beautiful women" and introduces...wait for it...Lakoda Rayne. They come out and sing a country version of "No Air" while Paula pastes on a smile and conducts them with her head to try to get them on beat. Seriously, Haley, if you can't listen to the vocal track, at least take a cue from the three blondes who keep shooting those Heather smiles at you. Not much Paula can do about the harmonies, though, which are pretty weak tonight. Well, the judges tried.

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