X Factor
Results Show

Episode Report Card
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DisconTENt

Okay, they're obviously just giving everyone in the production staff a turn at the mic for the opening voice-over. The good news is that means the Wolfman Jack-in-a-too-tight gimp collar they've got announcing tonight probably won't be back after this. After flashbacks to last night and the reintroduction to the four mentors and the twelve acts (I'm not going over it all again; the show's only an hour tonight, after all), Steve gets to walk out in front of the live audience and make that irritating X symbol with his forearms like it's his superhero sigil. He reminds us that the acts performed last night, America voted (shit, I totally forgot to vote!), and one of the acts is going home tonight. Enter the judges, dramatically as always, and then Steve tells us what's going to go down. We'll find out which ten acts got the most votes, and they'll all be safe for next week. Then the bottom two will sing, and the judges will decide who to boot. But isn't that a conflict of interest, if the bottom two are from two different categories and two judges are advocating for their own people? I don't know, I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.

But first, the final twelve all get to sing together live for the first time. They're all wearing glittery black and gold and sound great, coming in one at a time to sing a line or two in turn. And then LeRoy misses his cue even though we can hear him singing, so thanks for telling the world this is lip-synced, LeRoy. Also surprising is how good Melanie sounds harmonizing with the Stereo Hogzz. Astro provides a rap break, and maybe he shouldn't have publicized yesterday that he only does his own lyrics, because that just makes it more embarrassing for him when he forgets them. Anyway, everyone gets a turn, and it's kind of cool overall, even if everyone really ought to be concentrating on their individual performances. But not to worry, Steve says we can download that and any of last night's performances. Good, I was waiting for someone to tell me that.

Steve alludes to some drama onstage and backstage last night. We flashback to the performances and judges' comments of everyone from last night, as well as some backstage comments afterwards. What we learn from this sequence is...well, that sometimes it's really hard to fill an hour of live TV on which only one thing really needs to happen.

Coming back, Steve reminds us that the winner gets not only a five-million-dollar recording contract, but also GETS TO BE IN A PEPSI COMMERCIAL!!!2@! Montage of past commercials and the final twelve pretending like that's the part they're most excited about. And then, after this whole bit about how special and amazing and once-in-a-lifetime it is to have a Pepsi commercial, the current Pepsi-ad song is performed by someone nobody's ever heard of called "Outasight." Awesome. Well, I mock, but I think this is the first time an entire song has actually been performed all the way through on this show, and that's something. Then all the dancers have to hold still on the stage while Steve flogs the first results to be announced after the break.

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X Factor

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